[The-Mughal-Sister]

Rana Saab once tweeted that an intelligent wife is she who spends more than her husband earns so he cannot afford another wife.

Now that is very clever! Point to be noted!

@ FTR, I'd say soul mates, we aren't grumpy just honest

This post has been edited by The-Mughal-Sister: 13 January 2012 - 01:02 AM

[Fatema-the-resplendent]

Fekay, on 13 January 2012 - 12:57 AM, said:

nope, i'm afraid i have to disagree. a women who saves her own money but spends husbands is only after money and only cares for mony. say for example the husband has an accident and breaks his legs or something and NOT fit to bring home a good salary. will such women be willing to help out? NEVER, they just eat and forget and later tease the poor fella all his life of being incapable.

Anyway it's the 21th century with equal opportunities for everyone. it was different back in the dark ages; work was mostly hard labour ect... so women were incapable of work(mostly)... so why does a working the 21 century women have right over her husbands money whilst saving hers?

I agree with your sentiments about equality but if she works and brings home an income you do realise that her husband will have to forego the right to tell her what to do in the Home? If they have Children then the burden of looking after them should not fall solely on the woman. This is what most modern women are struggling with these days, job, Home and Childcare!! It is a lot. And I am of the view that a Good person regardless of gender operates fairly and kindly, so hording income when it is required to run the house is wrong.

The only thing I object to in your statement is your generalisation on Women. There could be many Men who pick on their wives for being over weight constantly. So you are speaking about habits of individuals and not characteristics of gender.

[Mudassar-Rana]

[quote name='Malaaikah' timestamp='1326250921' post='439410']
[font="Courier New"][color="#000000"]

I have heard experiences of one of my teachers who is married to a gora and when she went to pakistan she didnt like the way she was being treated. Actually even when she travels to Muslim populated areas in the Uk she gets treated differently. So I highly disagree with your statement that in Pakistan no one cares, take it from someone who has experienced it!



sis i did add the caveat that depending on where u go. For all i have seen in pak the white person is treated extra specially. in fact speaking to a pair of indian hindu surgeons who went to lahore on a conference 10 years ago have gone every year as they love it so much. So everybody's experience is different.

Narrowmindedness is everywhere im sure if the white person walked with muslim wife on the salford estates he would get weird treatment.

When we are young everything is black and white - but most of the truth lies in the grey. lets just say its a john major/grey world!

[Mudassar-Rana]

Fatema-the-resplendent, on 13 January 2012 - 12:39 AM, said:

Why is a woman like that such a threat?

Her money is hers, and she has a right on her husbands money since he is required to support her, she on the other hand is not.

its not dangerous - its fair. if she is a fair person then this is the best system. It depends on the guy but despite worse finances than italy I would refrain from borrowing from the other half. Not that she wouldnt give or hasnt offered - its just not good for your self respect.

[Fekay]

Fatema-the-resplendent, on 13 January 2012 - 01:08 AM, said:

I agree with your sentiments about equality but if she works and brings home an income you do realise that her husband will have to forego the right to tell her what to do in the Home? If they have Children then the burden of looking after them should not fall solely on the woman. This is what most modern women are struggling with these days, job, Home and Childcare!! It is a lot. And I am of the view that a Good person regardless of gender operates fairly and kindly, so hording income when it is required to run the house is wrong.

The only thing I object to in your statement is your generalisation on Women. There could be many Men who pick on their wives for being over weight constantly. So you are speaking about habits of individuals and not characteristics of gender.

the underlined is generalising men; women don't soley look after children and everything in general and neither do they let the husbands tell them what to do. And yes hording income; that was my pooint, such women are dangerous and not marriage material; simple men should be wary of such partners

[The-Mughal-Sister]

Fekay, on 13 January 2012 - 01:23 AM, said:

the underlined is generalising men; women don't soley look after children and everything in general and neither do they let the husbands tell them what to do. And yes hording income; that was my pooint, such women are dangerous and not marriage material; simple men should be wary of such partners

I'm astounded to see such insecurities with women who earn well! What are you afraid of?!

Why would she be hording the money? For what? To run away to a far away Island.

Your assumptions of the working women hording her money like she is some thief in her own home only after money is an unfair picture and laughable.

[Fatema-the-resplendent]

Fekay, on 13 January 2012 - 01:23 AM, said:

the underlined is generalising men; women don't soley look after children and everything in general and neither do they let the husbands tell them what to do. And yes hording income; that was my pooint, such women are dangerous and not marriage material; simple men should be wary of such partners

I am not generalising, make yourself familiar with the statistics. Working women suffer stress and lack of sleep in more numbers than men simply because they have a Job, looks after the home and the Children!!

Infact I think White Men probably look after their Children the most in terms of practical help with upbringing, I don't see that trend in Asian men as much.

And Women being dangerous because they are witholding income is like saying Men are dangerous for not cleaning the Kitchen.

[The-Mughal-Sister]

Fatema-the-resplendent, on 13 January 2012 - 01:39 AM, said:

I am not generalising, make yourself familiar with the statistics. Working women suffer stress and lack of sleep in more numbers than men simply because they have a Job, looks after the home and the Children!!

Infact I think White Men probably look after their Children the most in terms of practical help with upbringing, I don't see that trend in Asian men as much.

And Women being dangerous because they are witholding income is like saying Men are dangerous for not cleaning the Kitchen.

Wicked Reply! Love the last line!!

For some reason earning women intimidate them, but only a real man would truly value her overall extra efforts!

This post has been edited by The-Mughal-Sister: 13 January 2012 - 01:42 AM

[Fekay]

The-Mughal-Sister, on 13 January 2012 - 01:30 AM, said:

I'm astounded to see such insecurities with women who earn well! What are you afraid of?!

Why would she be hording the money? For what? To run away to a far away Island.

Your assumptions of the working women hording her money like she is some thief in her own home only after money is an unfair picture and laughable.

u answered your own question but missed the point. only god knows what goes through the minds of such women,they're like suspicious woman. why horde income when both live in the same house, eat the same stuff, married to each other? is it insecurities? nope

[Fekay]

Fatema-the-resplendent, on 13 January 2012 - 01:39 AM, said:

I am not generalising, make yourself familiar with the statistics. Working women suffer stress and lack of sleep in more numbers than men simply because they have a Job, looks after the home and the Children!!

Infact I think White Men probably look after their Children the most in terms of practical help with upbringing, I don't see that trend in Asian men as much.

And Women being dangerous because they are witholding income is like saying Men are dangerous for not cleaning the Kitchen.

"statistics" and "i'm not generlising"; i'm sure there's a contradiction somewhere... but anyway, you women are missing the point and have jumped on the gender parade already. the point was and is, women hording income are dangerous/irreliable and NOT marriage material; same with men unwilling to help out. both are an indication of self desires and unwillingness for sacrifice in marriage.

[Malaaikah]

loll

Aww bechara Fekay is being bullied by the twins, bless.

I think you have raised an interesting point which I will speak about later inshAllah.

[Malaaikah]

sis i did add the caveat that depending on where u go. For all i have seen in pak the white person is treated extra specially. in fact speaking to a pair of indian hindu surgeons who went to lahore on a conference 10 years ago have gone every year as they love it so much. So everybody's experience is different.

Narrowmindedness is everywhere im sure if the white person walked with muslim wife on the salford estates he would get weird treatment.

When we are young everything is black and white - but most of the truth lies in the grey. lets just say its a john major/grey world!
[/quote]

I think that the abuse will be on the Pakistani women who is married to an outsider not the outsiders themselves if they were to go to Pakistan. My point is if a gora goes to Pakistan himself or with friends he will be treated like a king yes I agree with you on that but however, if he goes with his Pakistani wife, both will be treated differently.

[Know-the-Ledge]

Fatema-the-resplendent, on 13 January 2012 - 12:53 AM, said:

Kanjooce! That is the only thought came to my head.

There is nothing worse than someone controlling your finances and the speed of the cash-flow along with the money comes snide remarks!! ewww..I would rather not have such money.

Think of it from the female perspective, its hard to depend on your husband if you are not the type to ask for money, a lot of pride has to be swallowed.

TMS, What is going on? I don't believe in Telepathy but I'm there in your mind without trying. Are we like soul mates? Or grumpy feminist females getting peed off at the same things?? lol

No not kanjuice, just my cheap thrills LAL that's a joke by the way...yeh it never fails to make me laugh



Joking aside, Fekay yaraa, have you gone bonkers? You're taking the most cynical and negative purview of a good girl gone bad and forming an opinion based on that. I agree with Mudassar, i'd rather eat my own spit than take a penny off my wifes toil; that's just low man, not that she'd reject me or anything, but I really wouldn't like that and ofcourse you lavish her with paisa, how can money be better than her? The best of men are those who treat their wives well, marriage is half our deen, because damn it's not easy. Before I got married, I was an average run-of-the-mill punk, bro' the day she stepped in our house, we had so much money coming in we didn't know what to do with it; I never in a million years imagined i'd drive flash cars!! That's how much barakah our wives bring us, she brought me that, I know that for a fact. Fekay, brother to brother you're wrong, you need to balance it out abiit more; yeh I know what you mean that there is that excessively material aspect to many women, but come on, we're not kids, we know how to keep our business strait-laced.

I guess there's millions of variables though and not all wives are the same wagera wagera;
They don't owe us anything more than companionship, they pay all their debts in full with that, they don't have to do the housework, nor feed us; for example, we have a rota, one week I do the household chores and then following she does two weeks work in her one week as i've not done anything, it works brilliantly for us. And when it comes to money, i'd ask what kind of a marriage am I in, if I can't trust her to be fair and just with my hard-earned? Where's the love if you view a wife so cnynically?


That's just a non-sensical view, that wives who 'hoarde' the money they earn are dangerous. It's their money, they've earnt it, where the problem? I agree with TMS, you've got to be insecure to think that, that poses any kind of threat to you? Why does it? I just don't see a plausible explanation to why that's 'dangerous', frankly if she's spending her own monney on her nails or handbags or whatever, then it's less money out of my pocket. In the past three years, my wifes been on two extended holidays with lavish spending money for her and her family, all paid for by yours truly, i've not been on one if she's happy, i'm happy!! She wants to go umrah now and she's never earnt a penny from an employer in her life, despite that she's most welcome to dip into my account, it's called love...take a sujood to it, it's wonderful.
..

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 13 January 2012 - 03:34 PM

[The-Mughal-Sister]

Know-The-Ledge, on 13 January 2012 - 03:08 PM, said:

No not kanjuice, just my cheap thrills LAL that's a joke by the way...yeh it never fails to make me laugh



Joking aside, Fekay yaraa, have you gone bonkers? You're taking the most cynical and negative purview of a good girl gone bad and forming an opinion based on that. I agree with Mudassar, i'd rather eat my own spit than take a penny off my wifes toil; that's just low man, not that she'd reject me or anything, but I really wouldn't like that and ofcourse you lavish her with paisa, how can money be better than her? The best of men are those who treat their wives well, marriage is half our deen, because damn it's not easy. Before I got married, I was an average run-of-the-mill punk, bro' the day she stepped in our house, we had so much money coming in we didn't know what to do with it; I never in a million years imagined i'd drive flash cars!! That's how much barakah our wives bring us, she brought me that, I know that for a fact. Fekay, brother to brother you're wrong, you need to balance it out abiit more; yeh I know what you mean that there is that excessively material aspect to many women, but come on, we're not kids, we know how to keep our business strait-laced.

I guess there's millions of variables though and not all wives are the same wagera wagera;
They don't owe us anything more than companionship, they pay all their debts in full with that, they don't have to do the housework, nor feed us; for example, we have a rota, one week I do the household chores and then following she does two weeks work in her one week as i've not done anything, it works brilliantly for us.

Thank you !!

[Fatema-the-resplendent]

Know-The-Ledge, on 13 January 2012 - 03:08 PM, said:

No not kanjuice, just my cheap thrills LAL that's a joke by the way...yeh it never fails to make me laugh



Joking aside, Fekay yaraa, have you gone bonkers? You're taking the most cynical and negative purview of a good girl gone bad and forming an opinion based on that. I agree with Mudassar, i'd rather eat my own spit than take a penny off my wifes toil; that's just low man, not that she'd reject me or anything, but I really wouldn't like that and ofcourse you lavish her with paisa, how can money be better than her? The best of men are those who treat their wives well, marriage is half our deen, because damn it's not easy. Before I got married, I was an average run-of-the-mill punk, bro' the day she stepped in our house, we had so much money coming in we didn't know what to do with it; I never in a million years imagined i'd drive flash cars!! That's how much barakah our wives bring us, she brought me that, I know that for a fact. Fekay, brother to brother you're wrong, you need to balance it out abiit more; yeh I know what you mean that there is that excessively material aspect to many women, but come on, we're not kids, we know how to keep our business strait-laced.

I guess there's millions of variables though and not all wives are the same wagera wagera;
They don't owe us anything more than companionship, they pay all their debts in full with that, they don't have to do the housework, nor feed us; for example, we have a rota, one week I do the household chores and then following she does two weeks work in her one week as i've not done anything, it works brilliantly for us. And when it comes to money, i'd ask what kind of a marriage am I in, if I can't trust her to be fair and just with my hard-earned? Where's the love if you view a wife so cnynically?


That's just a non-sensical view, that wives who 'hoarde' the money they earn are dangerous. It's their money, they've earnt it, where the problem? I agree with TMS, you've got to be insecure to think that, that poses any kind of threat to you? Why does it? I just don't see a plausible explanation to why that's 'dangerous', frankly if she's spending her own monney on her nails or handbags or whatever, then it's less money out of my pocket. In the past three years, my wifes been on two extended holidays with lavish spending money for her and her family, all paid for by yours truly, i've not been on one if she's happy, i'm happy!! She wants to go umrah now and she's never earnt a penny from an employer in her life, despite that she's most welcome to dip into my account, it's called love...take a sujood to it, it's wonderful.
..

MashAllah! That's the spirit of a Man.

[The-Mughal-Sister]

I understand Fekay where you are coming from and this goes for both man and a woman. If people are valuing superficial things more than a human being, a human heart then that will be their downfall and in the long run they will lose a dear one, and thus the relationship is hollow, empty.

People have become so clinical with marriage and relationships in this superficial world.

Where is the love?

Where is the trust?

Where is the compassion?

If you love your partner, if you value them if they are a garment unto you would would sacrifice many pounds, your wealth for her/him, you just have to find the one who is worth it.

Money is no object in the face of love, but nowadays people are loving their money and their wealth more, have you not earned it to spend on your loved ones?

[Know-the-Ledge]

The-Mughal-Sister, on 13 January 2012 - 03:55 PM, said:

I understand Fekay where you are coming from and this goes for both man and a woman. If people are valuing superficial things more than a human being, a human heart then that will be their downfall and in the long run they will lose a dear one, and thus the relationship is hollow, empty.

People have become so clinical with marriage and relationships in this superficial world.

Where is the love?

Where is the trust?

Where is the compassion?

If you love your partner, if you value them if they are a garment unto you would would sacrifice many pounds, your wealth for her/him, you just have to find the one who is worth it.

Money is no object in the face of love, but nowadays people are loving their money and their wealth more, have you not earned it to spend on your loved ones?

*bellows on a lecture theatre infront of a million men*

"They preach Freedom FROM the Wife
Islam preaches Freedom OF the Wife"

Faikhe. Hamza Yusuf

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 13 January 2012 - 04:21 PM

[Mudassar-Rana]

Bottom line would be that judge the person and treat them accordingly. rather than having pre-conceived ideas that because she is a wife she's automatically after ur money! Im not saying u wont come across women who wont fleece u but there are also beyghairat men who dont mind sitting at home and living of the wife, and then expecting her to cook for u as well!

i dont know where sis malaikah expects to find a chechen man in the uk! and if u do i would wish to be a fly on the wall and hear the classic line "apnay mar gai si" !

[Malaaikah]

At the end of the day in Islam it is obligatory for the man to provide for his wife, the wife on the other hand has no such obligations she doesnt even have to clean the house or do any house duties. Even with a divorce the wife has a right to half of everything of what the man has whereas the man has no right to any material posessions the woman owns. Think about the reason as to why Allah has said this. I think Allah has placed these guidelines because women are more caring and if they are earning or saving up for a rainy day they would end up spending it on their husband or family anyway. For e.g. when things are tough I think she would be the one who would offer and say you know Ive been saving up so I have some spare cash or whatever. I dont think it is right for the husband to argue with his wife for saving up if she has enough because it will be of his benefit in the end. I also agree with the belief that women are the ones who bring barakah in the house, if the husband thinks its only because of him that hes earned so an so amount of money he should realise the error of his ways.

What I wanted to mention was where does money come into the equation when looking for a spouse? It is obligatory for the guy to have enough so he can support you but sometimes women and men look for that extra bit of security, but I personally wouldnt want someone who is rich unless he has a good character. I wouldnt allow my husband to spend money on stupid things like a TV!! My house will inshaAllah be a TV free zone:)

@Brother MR I doubt Il find a Chechan in the Uk too but nevermind Ill try anyone who isnt Pakistani!!

[Malaaikah]

Fatema-the-resplendent, on 13 January 2012 - 06:30 PM, said:

@ Malaaikah

I like your post BUT two objections if you don't mind.

I think this thing about Barakah is nonsense if unfairly applied. Why do only Women bring Barakah, what about poor men?? I think Barakah comes from God at any time in ones life which God chooses. If you are happily married would you not associate your happiness as coming from your husband therefore Barakah from him through God.

Secondly, What is wrong with Pakistani Men? They are good as any other.

You know what its not only women I agree, it is both the husband and wife. Men have this belief that, because they are the breadwinner the money is being brought solely by them and they would believe that just because the wife is sitting at home she has no place in the income being brought in. I think wealth is something which Allah blesses the couple with not just one half.

Pakistani men, Ive lost my trust in them Im afraid. I know not all men are the same but at the end of the day how can you tell one apart from the other? How do you know when the guy is being genuine? I understand that the same can be said about other cultures but I havent experienced bad from others so I dont feel the same way about them. I hate to say it I really do and I am truly hurt to have these beliefs about my own culture but its just the way I feel...