[piara-madinah]

Khalid_the_Warrior, on 06 January 2012 - 04:20 PM, said:

I second Bro MR's point being childern of Freshi's. I even had a debate with someone about this who was mocking all Freshi's and telling that how they come here and how they behave. I couldn't resist and put it nicely, "So who was your father, a freshi, what would you say about that".

The problem with us that when marriage life doesn't go according to plan we blame the other half and if the other half is from Pakistan than its simply, " Cultural Differences". Rather than looking at our ourselves, we blame them. I always tell people If they are Freshis and than you are BBCD ( British Born Confused Desi ). I know couple of marriage that didn't work not because of Freshi's but BBCD.

The problem I've with the couple who want "Noble" wife/husband is that why don't they look at themselves first before having these high demand. Why ask unfair things from your other half when you couldn't give the same back.

Marriage should not be a compromise between two people but a relationship based on love and affection.

But another big problem what we facing when parents came if they freshi that was 50 years back but now the 3rd generation and who get good education , they marrying with educated peoples from uk and back home they not having much problems .

Problems the ones having they not much educated by themselves but because they can speak english they think they better the girls and boys are coming from the deprived areas etc and I think that needs to stop , parents can realise that is not good because the couple cant hold a nice converasation and when they cant converse how can they live happy.

If they marry in uk parents cant converse with the daughter in law and son in law in detailed conversation so they want to bring girls and boys from pakistan and the other reason they want to make there relitives happy and engage there kids without thinking so if the parents give them free choice all will marry in uk and they face less problems .

another advice for who not much educated improve your education and marry with educated people and face less problems and if you spend life in halla gulla and then no choice no eduacted people want you and then you end up marrying from pakistan again and you have to face freshies.

But still education improved in pakistan as well and many happy marriages now when one person from uk and the other from pakistan.

Make a good decision at the start , find a nice person or ask parents to find one nice person then no regrets.One word No save you living miserable life in future be brave.

[diwanisarkarki]

@ badman u post like a gud man lol...

Bro luhif dont worry janab apko apki sapno ki rani mil jayegi itna q tensed hote hai, girls are not that bad.

Allah says u will be given the same as u expect from him.... So expect gud n get gud...

[Malaaikah]

There are some interesting points that have been raised.

It seems as though guys wouldn’t marry one who has children from a previous marriage. Do the girls think the same?

I would also like to mention that I think when considering a divorcee the situation as to why the person decided to go through with a divorce should be clarified. For e.g. many people get married and they have little knowledge of their spouse yet, their marriage doesn’t last long however, they have that status of being divorced. I do believe it is rather unfair to judge someone when having very little knowledge about their past and basing the decision on that. Thats why in my opinion it isn’t unfair to ask about the past or questions relating to previous relationships etc. I know of this girl who got married when she was around 16 and she didnt know the guy or anything she came back here went to college and uni she spoke to him a couple of times on the phone but he still hadnt come to the UK. They got divorced as she grew up and knew more about what life and marriage was. I wouldnt count this as a marriage but would you?

The second point I wish to highlight is that not wanting to marry a freshy in my opnion is a right, and I don’t think its wrong to have this belief. Its the same as saying I don’t want to marry a gori (which most aapne say) because at the end of the day your living in this country aren’t you? There are many reasons as to why someone wouldn’t want to marry one from back home and a lot to consider. So I think it is wrong to forbid one from saying they don’t want to marry a freshy. Both of our parents were from Pak weren’t they? Of course they wouldn’t mind marrying each other but why should we have to marry from pak just because they did? Theres a whole world out there outside of pak and we should explore it, the worlds our oyster, Allah made us into tribes and nations so that we may know on another and marry from each other not so we stay seperated. Im not saying we shouldn’t marry from Pak im just stating that in my opinion we shouldnt be judging anyone who says they don’t want to marry a freshy. I think its freedom of expression to allow people to have their beliefs. I think Ill stop here Im sure you get what Im trying to say...

PS. I dont believe people in Pak are uneducated or bad people, MashAllah there are alot of good ones there just like any other country but like I said there are additional factors one has to consider.

[Mudassar-Rana]

[quote name='piara-madinah' timestamp='1325868678' post='439023']
But another big problem what we facing when parents came if they freshi that was 50 years back but now the 3rd generation and who get good education , they marrying with educated peoples from uk and back home they not having much problems .

Problems the ones having they not much educated by themselves but because they can speak english they think they better the girls and boys are coming from the deprived areas etc and I think that needs to stop , parents can realise that is not good because the couple cant hold a nice converasation and when they cant converse how can they live happy.

If they marry in uk parents cant converse with the daughter in law and son in law in detailed conversation so they want to bring girls and boys from pakistan and the other reason they want to make there relitives happy and engage there kids without thinking so if the parents give them free choice all will marry in uk and they face less problems .

another advice for who not much educated improve your education and marry with educated people and face less problems and if you spend life in halla gulla and then no choice no eduacted people want you and then you end up marrying from pakistan again and you have to face freshies.

But still education improved in pakistan as well and many happy marriages now when one person from uk and the other from pakistan.


Sister PM - I think what you say is a generalisation. Just because someone can speak english doesnt mean they are educated. There is a massive superiority complex in UK born asian's that because they know english they are automatically superior - and the incoming freshie has to conform to their standards etc. Also the parents came a few decades ago but the attitude children have to non english speaking people is exactly the same the english people had to their parents - and they call that racism! So when an english person behaves rudely its racism and when they have an ignorant attitude they all of a sudden become the mazloom and hard done by. A good person is a good person regardless of background and country. Make your choices based on sincerity in the first place. People should be grateful that parents are still prepared to give their daughters to the confused desi wannabe west indian wannabe gangster! Because there is no way i would give my daughter to them - british passport or no british passport.

I share nothing in common with my wife - but thats the way i prefer it - the last thing i want to do is to discuss Western Imperialism with her! People need to lower their expectations of each other and look out for the interests of each other and not themselves. The nikah is a bond taken in front of your lord to please him so we ought to act towards each other as if it is an act of ibadat.

[piara-madinah]

Yes brother rana I was talking general but as you think that People should be grateful that parents are still prepared to give their daughters to the confused desi , no I dont think so , no parents arrange there girls marraiage if they got no benefit in it , they not sacrifice there daughters for desi boys , they sending them to uk because they wish to send them , many of them knew the couples got nothing in common and they cant converse etc but they still sending and few of them even put pressure on relitives to take there girls so you cant say they giving any favours .

but when the desies visit pakistan and talk english because the relitives are uneducated they think if they can speak english they must be educated because they dont know any english but 25% of them only can speak english cant even read and write properly I mean cant have any decent jobs etc so in uk less chances for them to marry so they go there and marry but most of them only marry to please there parents and they not bringing a wife they bringing a maid from pakistan and what they do they enjoy there life out and let that freshi girl work for there parents .

And few of them marry again in uk and few girls when they knew there rights etc after few years they claim want seperaion, so marrying in same country and culture is better than marrying from pakistan.

[Luhif]

Sis Fatema There is nothing wrong with divorcees or those with children.I dont know about others but I just feel I would not get along with them well(my weakness)
I may sound harsh but they had their chance and they blew it.I seriously dont believe that anyone can clap with one hand so to say it wasnt his/her fault at all and he/she ended up in divorce, well I dont buy that.This is generally I am talking but there are those unfortunate people who got traped like forced marriage or otherwise but majority chose thier partner.Besides,considering the divorce rate in western world, there are more divorcees now probably than there are singles so they can find someone who is in similar situation like them.


I would like to share something personal.When I was younger, Me and my childhood friend were determined that we would get married with a disabled person regardless of her disability type.My friend betrayed me and got married now with a healthy person lol
Although I am still considering someone who is disabled or widowed but to be honest as I get older, I am thinking not to get married but then again I am the only son of my parents and I have to think about their happiness first.Yes I would obey them by denying charitable deeds as there are zillions of ways to do more charitable deeds.Just to look at your parents with love earns you sawab for an accepted Hajj(correct me if I am wrong) thats only to look with love imagine serving them day and night.You get the idea.

Those brothers and sisters who objected my views, would you marry a divorcee? with children? Why dont you share what would you do rahter than what should one do?
Are you married? if yes did you marry a divorcee? As for sacrificing a part of your own, like I said I am at a stage where I do not want to get married but because of the Prophet's(peace be upon Him) one of the biggest sunnah and to keep parents happy, I am considering marriage.Am I not sacrificing?

Sis PM, I did not mention any % as you put it.I was just stating majority people.If you leave your pc and get out in real world, your mind will blow up by the things you see about muslims be it guy or girl.Of course there are many pious muslims but compared to people who dont give a toss about Islam, the ratio is very adverse. The sittuation is not bad but alarming.

[Modest-Muslimah]

Salaam

very interesting topic, and there are some good understandable opinions, and some not so good.
However, i would just like to add my part into it....you cannot judge someone on their past. simple as that. if someone has been in a haraam relationship before, or done wrong before, we are in no position to judge them, ESPECIALLY if they are practising and pious now. Even if the other person is not the 'perfect' muslim, who are we to know if they have asked Allah for forgiveness, and if Allah can forgive and wipe their slate clean then how dare we have something against it? the matter of the past, is between that individual and Allah. the past should never be mixed with the future. what's happened has happened.

As for judging the character of a potential partner by judging their past,is again completely wrong. Many people realise the error of their ways sometime during their life (some early some late), everyone is brought on the Straight Path at different times, some not at all.And if you can blatantly tell that someone at this present time is showing a good honest character, then maybe they had to go through hell to be like that, maybe they had to make those stupid mistakes to become the good honest person they are now. It's all about trusting Allah; if you believe you are 'up there' as a muslim, and almost perfect then have trust in Allah He will give you someone as good. If you have complete faith in Allah i believe inshallah Allah will bless you with a good spouse, regardless of past or no past.

p.s: for those who are trying to find a potential partner that hasnt even looked at the opposite sex then i wish you good luck!

[Know-the-Ledge]

Just to add my truly defined, nationally recognised and officially certified opinion. You can not and never hold someones past against them like you're some kind of merciless oracle! That's like visiting a tree and then coming back a year later and trying to cut it back down like a mussla for it having grown. That's non-sensical, allow people to Grow.

According to this definition of holding peoples past of sexual indiscretion or any other kind of indiscretion against them is wrong; ofcourse i'm not saying go into things eyes-wide-shut, but there's abit more to the evaluation than a clip-board with a tick-list sheet LAL

Pepople are a whole gamut of actions, reactions, causes, pauses, rights, responsibilities, inviolations, irresponsibilities wagera wagera ad infinitum


Anyway, when cupids arrow strikes, your passions'll blind you to all reason anyway; the truly blind, are those that Refuse to see. It'll be like the texture of Fish with the taste of Chicken.

Modest-Muslimah, on 09 January 2012 - 11:44 AM, said:

p.s: for those who are trying to find a potential partner that hasnt even looked at the opposite sex then i wish you good luck!

Hehehehehe Many muslims do become monuments to ineptitude. Anyway, there's always facebook and the islamic pages

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 09 January 2012 - 12:29 PM

[diwanisarkarki]

sis mm gud post...

And ktl wots this LAL???

[Know-the-Ledge]

diwanisarkarki, on 10 January 2012 - 01:38 PM, said:

sis mm gud post...

And ktl wots this LAL???

LAL means nothing yet encapsulates everything
LAL is dust yet it has spirit
LAL goes wherever you go and is nowehre to be found
LAL is the unknown known
LAL is the magic from the black smoke
LAL is something old something new
LAL is colourful yet colourless
LAL is something borrowed something blue

LAL is 'LAL' and it is not 'LAL'. Who knows what LAL is man...?

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 10 January 2012 - 01:57 PM

[minhajisis]

Malaaikah, on 06 January 2012 - 06:41 PM, said:

The second point I wish to highlight is that not wanting to marry a freshy in my opnion is a right, and I don’t think its wrong to have this belief. Its the same as saying I don’t want to marry a gori (which most aapne say) because at the end of the day your living in this country aren’t you? There are many reasons as to why someone wouldn’t want to marry one from back home and a lot to consider. So I think it is wrong to forbid one from saying they don’t want to marry a freshy. Both of our parents were from Pak weren’t they? Of course they wouldn’t mind marrying each other but why should we have to marry from pak just because they did? Theres a whole world out there outside of pak and we should explore it, the worlds our oyster, Allah made us into tribes and nations so that we may know on another and marry from each other not so we stay seperated. Im not saying we shouldn’t marry from Pak im just stating that in my opinion we shouldnt be judging anyone who says they don’t want to marry a freshy. I think its freedom of expression to allow people to have their beliefs. I think Ill stop here Im sure you get what Im trying to say...

PS. I dont believe people in Pak are uneducated or bad people, MashAllah there are alot of good ones there just like any other country but like I said there are additional factors one has to consider.

I agree!

I havnt read all the replies on this thread but I personally think it is important to marry someone you click with, also someone whose character pleases you and someone who is steadfast in their Deen, a potential spouse must have a good attitude, be financially independent and have a certain level of maturity (not too serious but not too laid-back).

The reason I think it is important to marry someone religious is because if you prioritise the religion and help each other in attaining the pleasure of Allah, then Allah will bless your marriage and make it successful. I don’t like how some people have a very superficial criteria in terms of marriage for example wealth, status and background, a marriage based on such weak foundations is bound to be quarrelsome and unsuccessful!

[Malaaikah]

So Im guessing those who say they wouldnt hold someones past against them mean they would marry someone regardless of whether they have been married/have children, had an illicit relationship etc, as long as all the other boxes are ticked.

Coming onto my next question, I would love to see the responses I get .

So here it is, Would you only marry someone whose ethnicity is Pakistani? Also what ethnic backgrounds would you prefer to marry if you had a choice?

I personally love the way Chechan's recite and do dhikr (there are many youtube videos I might add one sometime inshAllah) and they are very strong and Macho mashAllah so thats my first choice . The second one would probably be Turkish because I like Turkey for some reason, it is a very appealing country. My third choice would probably be Shaam as I think there are many intelligent Muslims there also.

[Know-the-Ledge]

My personal postulations are once again proved 100% correct. women are idealists and men are realists. one lots got their head in the clouds and one lots got their ear to the ground.

You can dissect and cross-examine this subject until the cows come home, just know you're getting hitched to.someone who doesn't give a damn about most of this the day he puts a ring on your finger and just 'goes with the flow' LAL

Women get so wrapped up in their fairy-tales, that when the bitter pill of reality hits, they rue their lot in life like hard-done by becharia

Just look at the above post, full of smiles and tongues sticking out; i'm sorry, but I can't take unmarried people serious one little bit, how can you be a knight when you've never even been in battle? Marriage is the beginning, that's where everything starts, stop being so prissy over it and just get on with it.

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 10 January 2012 - 10:06 PM

[Fekay]

Know-The-Ledge, on 10 January 2012 - 01:56 PM, said:

LAL means nothing yet encapsulates everything
LAL is dust yet it has spirit
LAL goes wherever you go and is nowehre to be found
LAL is the unknown known
LAL is the magic from the black smoke
LAL is something old something new
LAL is colourful yet colourless
LAL is something borrowed something blue

LAL is 'LAL' and it is not 'LAL'. Who knows what LAL is man...?

Iv'e long solved this mystry; LAL means 'laugh a lot' and i've got evidance to support my claim.

[Know-the-Ledge]

Fekay, on 10 January 2012 - 10:04 PM, said:

Iv'e long solved this mystry; LAL means 'laugh a lot' and i've got evidance to support my claim.

Diwanisirkani proposes a very salient and troubling question, what does 'LAL' mean? I can officially tell you, it's not Laugh a Lot. The mystery continues...my voyage to the ends of the Earth to discover and unearth the answer to this ancient mystery of the Yanabi.com comoonity is still on course to set sail at the end of this month. The ship crew are amongst the bravest of brave men, who will sail into the abyss of the forbidden zone, through the black smoke. They have been hand-picked by the rulers of the land, for their valiance, proven track-record and for being changay Allah ne Bande.

Qalam has been kicked of the crew for being a Greasy Langar Consumer...that's all we know for now.

One thing's for sure, is that this mystery is going down in the scrolls of history alongside the holy grail, fountain of eternal youth, excalibur, the shawl of jesus and what happened to qalams brother sajid...stay toooned for the twist as we leave you on this cliffhanger...

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 10 January 2012 - 10:30 PM

[Major-Screw-Loose]

diwanisarkarki, on 10 January 2012 - 01:38 PM, said:

sis mm gud post...

And ktl wots this LAL???

I think LAL is Loud And Lazy.

[Malaaikah]

Know-The-Ledge, on 10 January 2012 - 09:48 PM, said:

My personal postulations are once again proved 100% correct. women are idealists and men are realists. one lots got their head in the clouds and one lots got their ear to the ground.

You can dissect and cross-examine this subject until the cows come home, just know you're getting hitched to.someone who doesn't give a damn about most of this the day he puts a ring on your finger and just 'goes with the flow' LAL

Women get so wrapped up in their fairy-tales, that when the bitter pill of reality hits, they rue their lot in life like hard-done by becharia

Just look at the above post, full of smiles and tongues sticking out; i'm sorry, but I can't take unmarried people serious one little bit, how can you be a knight when you've never even been in battle? Marriage is the beginning, that's where everything starts, stop being so prissy over it and just get on with it.

Well if you dont like the question, no one forced you to answer it or participate in this discussion dear.

I dont see anything wrong with asking people what type of a person they want to ideally marry, people discuss it all the time and it was a joke type of question which I knew the answer to. In fact you have just proved my point that Pakistanis dont willingly marry anyone who has no Pakistani background whether it be british or not. Even though they say you can marry anyone you like the fact of the matter is that its not true you cant. If you go to Pakistan with your non Pakistani husband you will get a load of abuse.

Also, I think that men dont give s damn about who they marry because they know, if they want they can just go and have their bit on the side whenever they like whereas women would prefer to find someone suitable and marry him rather than marrying someone they dont want to and doing the bit on the side aswell.

I think the word lal is another way of saying lol but in Pakistan.

[Fatema-the-resplendent]

Malaaikah, on 10 January 2012 - 10:53 PM, said:

Well if you dont like the question, no one forced you to answer it or participate in this discussion dear.

I dont see anything wrong with asking people what type of a person they want to ideally marry, people discuss it all the time and it was a joke type of question which I knew the answer to. In fact you have just proved my point that Pakistanis dont willingly marry anyone who has no Pakistani background whether it be british or not. Even though they say you can marry anyone you like the fact of the matter is that its not true you cant. If you go to Pakistan with your non Pakistani husband you will get a load of abuse.

Also, I think that men dont give s damn about who they marry because they know, if they want they can just go and have their bit on the side whenever they like whereas women would prefer to find someone suitable and marry him rather than marrying someone they dont want to and doing the bit on the side aswell.

I think the word lal is another way of saying lol but in Pakistan.

No offence KTL, but well said Malaaikah. I love the way you've stood your ground.

LAL is to confuse us simpletons

[Mudassar-Rana]

Malaaikah, on 10 January 2012 - 10:53 PM, said:

Well if you dont like the question, no one forced you to answer it or participate in this discussion dear.

I dont see anything wrong with asking people what type of a person they want to ideally marry, people discuss it all the time and it was a joke type of question which I knew the answer to. In fact you have just proved my point that Pakistanis dont willingly marry anyone who has no Pakistani background whether it be british or not. Even though they say you can marry anyone you like the fact of the matter is that its not true you cant. If you go to Pakistan with your non Pakistani husband you will get a load of abuse.

Also, I think that men dont give s damn about who they marry because they know, if they want they can just go and have their bit on the side whenever they like whereas women would prefer to find someone suitable and marry him rather than marrying someone they dont want to and doing the bit on the side aswell.

Depending on where you go sis you will find that in pakistan no one cares!

"Ideally marry" is probably a bit loaded any way as ur leading people up the garden path. We all want Parveen Babi (females excepted!) but most end up with aruna irani!!

bro KTl is a bit of a spoil sport and doesnt let us enjoy the dreaming bit (Parveen Babi) and is already reminding you that your gonna get aruna irani. So instead of 1 half life being depressing the whole life is!!!

[Know-the-Ledge]

Malaaikah, on 10 January 2012 - 10:53 PM, said:

Well if you dont like the question, no one forced you to answer it or participate in this discussion dear.

I dont see anything wrong with asking people what type of a person they want to ideally marry, people discuss it all the time and it was a joke type of question which I knew the answer to. In fact you have just proved my point that Pakistanis dont willingly marry anyone who has no Pakistani background whether it be british or not. Even though they say you can marry anyone you like the fact of the matter is that its not true you cant. If you go to Pakistan with your non Pakistani husband you will get a load of abuse.

Also, I think that men dont give s damn about who they marry because they know, if they want they can just go and have their bit on the side whenever they like whereas women would prefer to find someone suitable and marry him rather than marrying someone they dont want to and doing the bit on the side aswell.

I think the word lal is another way of saying lol but in Pakistan.

wah wah subhan'allah, I should've kept my.mouth shut...because there she goes. I loved that teeka of reality, it was like when Harry met Sally, when Tom Hanks told Meg Ryan that it was him emailing her in 'you've got mail' and she just broke down in tears saying she'd been so hoping it was him, it was like when Hooch the big gay was finally given a bath and the prisoners ran riot when Noori Nath was transferred to their prison sohneyaaa LAL

the pink lady finally came out, you know those are likl hot spots coming out for a guy pal, Allah tukki naseeb karreh LAL

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 10 January 2012 - 11:41 PM