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I have been with this guy for 6 years, now behaving differently

Posted 05 September 2010 - 03:40 PM (#1) User is offline   manonymous1 

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Salam,

I dont knw if there is any imam who can help me with this. I don’t know what to do. Please help me out. is there any wazifa to bring him to my life.


I have been with this guy for 6 years. From past 6 months he was behaving differently. He was the first guy I ever spoke to and now my parents want me to get married to someone else and I cannot think of anyone else except him. We have always been happy, wanted to be with each other and there always been a commitment of marriage until now when things changed drastically. Recently he stopped responding to my calls or text. Last night i realised he cancelled his contract and now there is no way i can get in touch with him. I am so frustrated I do not want to live without him. The reason he broke up with me was because his dad has told him clearly that if he gets married to someone from the UK then they will move to Pakistan. His mother is also unwell and having various treatments done and if his dad takes his mum to Pakistan then she won't get same level of treatments. So he decided that we should not marry each other as this would mean that we will be together but he won’t be happy due to family issues.

I dont know what has changed in past 6 months. I have been doing wazifas and duas but nothing changed instead seems like getting worse. Im worried may be i have not been performing wazifas in the right manner as required and all this happened? As now we are no longer together. I am really depressed and been crying ever since. Is there anything that I can do to bring him back in my life and his parents come themselves and ask for my rishta...I definitely cannot move on without him. Life is becoming burden for me. Please brothers and sisters help me I will really appreciate your help.

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Posted 05 September 2010 - 04:11 PM (#2) User is offline   Ibraheem 

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would you be able to get your brother or a male relative to talk him, and perhaps he can tell his parents that you are a traditional Muslim, and someone who uphold such values....may be that point your parents can get involved....
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Posted 05 September 2010 - 07:47 PM (#3) User is offline   manonymous1 

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Thanx brother for your suggestion. however, he does not have the courage to his parents about me and him. He told me that by telling his parents things can get worse than better and so he never mentioned.

Are you in the position to suggest any wazifa or any other islamic method that i can bring him ba ck in my life? Now he has completely disappeared out of my life. I have no hope and will to live. He has broken all the promises that he made initially.

I look forward to hearing from you soon
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Posted 05 September 2010 - 09:23 PM (#4) User is offline   YaNabi-Chemist 

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manonymous1 (05.09.2010)
 his dad has told him clearly that if he gets married to someone from the UK then they will move to Pakistan. His mother is also unwell and having various treatments done and if his dad takes his mum to Pakistan then she won't get same level of treatments. 


In other words, his father threatened him with ill-health of his mother, his fathers wife.
Interesting; I'm glad I don't have such disgraceful human being as my father. 
Feel free to PM me if you have any health issues / ailments.

Confidentiality will be maintained.
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Posted 06 September 2010 - 12:50 AM (#5) User is offline   The-Mughal-Sister 

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Salaam sister,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through and this is the reason why I worry for young, impressionable naive girls, where guys have their fun but run away from commitment because they love to hide behind their mother’s duppatta and put the blame on their family, trust me Iknow this because I have brothers who have done this.

 

If this guys is not man enough to stand up for you then he is not worth it, sorry to say. He hasn’t had the decency to call you, to tell you to your face, what does that make him?  A coward!

 

Please sister, I stress don’t cry for him, don’t put him on a pedestal and make him the best thing in your life, when he hasn’t fulfilled his promises to you.  6years?  How can he walk away from after 6 years?  Don’t you mean anything to him? He took advantage of your innocence and naive nature,

 

Guys are commitment phobic, they don’t like to face responsibility so maybe you are better off without him and Allah is doing what is best for you.  If he can’t stand up to his parents now what about few years down the line, let’s say you were married to him and his parents were being unfair to you, would he have the decency to stand up for you then? 

 

You are worth more than this, respect yourself, love yourself and tell yourself than HE is not worth you! You don’t need to sit downnight after night begging for him to come back to you, sit down and pray to the Almighty and ask Allah SWT if he is good for you, he will come back to you, but leave the decision in Allah’s hands, Allah SWT always does what is best for his creation, please remember this dearest sister.

 

It will be hard, and it will take time but you need to move on for your sake, for your sanity. Please feel free to PM me.

United We Stand!



“Your knowledge must improve your heart, and purge your ego.”

Imam Ghazzali RA
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Posted 06 September 2010 - 01:59 PM (#6) User is offline   qalam 

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EDIT: Poor post removed.
Dr AQ- Product of a classcial education , fee paying of course!
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Posted 06 September 2010 - 02:15 PM (#7) User is offline   SikandarB 

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MamaTembo (06.09.2010)
Both of you should be given 80 lashes for having illegal pre marital relationship.


And 80 lashes must be given to you too… for drinking alcohol!
It's not who I am underneath, but what I *do* that defines me – (Batman Begins)
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Posted 06 September 2010 - 03:43 PM (#8) User is offline   Tahir-Riaz 

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MamaTembo (06.09.2010)
Both of you should be given 80 lashes for having illegal pre marital relationship.


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Posted 06 September 2010 - 10:38 PM (#9) User is offline   hamza81 

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Quote

manonymous1 (05.09.2010)
Salam,

I dont knw if there is any imam who can help me with this. I don’t know what to do. Please help me out. is there any wazifa to bring him to my life.


I have been with this guy for 6 years. From past 6 months he was behaving differently. He was the first guy I ever spoke to and now my parents want me to get married to someone else and I cannot think of anyone else except him. We have always been happy, wanted to be with each other and there always been a commitment of marriage until now when things changed drastically. Recently he stopped responding to my calls or text. Last night i realised he cancelled his contract and now there is no way i can get in touch with him. I am so frustrated I do not want to live without him. The reason he broke up with me was because his dad has told him clearly that if he gets married to someone from the UK then they will move to Pakistan. His mother is also unwell and having various treatments done and if his dad takes his mum to Pakistan then she won't get same level of treatments. So he decided that we should not marry each other as this would mean that we will be together but he won’t be happy due to family issues.

I dont know what has changed in past 6 months. I have been doing wazifas and duas but nothing changed instead seems like getting worse. Im worried may be i have not been performing wazifas in the right manner as required and all this happened? As now we are no longer together. I am really depressed and been crying ever since. Is there anything that I can do to bring him back in my life and his parents come themselves and ask for my rishta...I definitely cannot move on without him. Life is becoming burden for me. Please brothers and sisters help me I will really appreciate your help.


Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister how can you expect the help of Allah to come to you when you have been committing haraam with this guy for 6 years? You have gone against the commands of Allah and diobeyed and angered Allah and then you expect Allah to help you? My sister you are truly foolish if you think Allah will help someone who has gone against his commands and disobeyed him. You think there are any wazifas and duas for someone who's haraam relationship has not worked out? Come on sister please wake up.

You cannot blame this upon anyone but yourself for being so naive in having a haraam relationship with someone for such a long time and believing his lies. He has lied to you using his family as an excuse and all of this time you believed him? My sister you should not have been so gullible but it seems as though you were made blind by him just like so many other girls and guys become blind when they are in haraam relationships.

The fact is that this guy has fooled you and lead you on and there is NO future with you and him now simply because he does NOT want to marry you.The quicker you except this the quicker you will get over this pain. But it will take time as the best healer is time. But you must get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of him and you MUST repent to Allah for being so foolish and naive and having a haraam relationship for such a long time. He lead you on all of that time and you continued to have a relationship with him.

This is the biggest mistake you have ever made but there is no point looking at the past now. All that can be said is that you must accept what has happened and accept that you were foolish in believing his lies and having a haraam relationship with him for so long and you must accept that he does NOT want to be with you for that is why he lied to you for so long and lead you on and now has changed his number so you can't contact him.

This is the reason relationships before marriage is haraam because things like this happen whereby a guy and a girl first become friends and then it progresses and then they end up being with each other committing all kinds of haraam. Then they create false dreams with each other how they will marry and live happily ever after but this is so far from reality for it is just a dream which will never come true. You wanting to be with him is a false dream which will NEVER happen. You HAVE to move on and learn from this. You HAVE to accept you have been lied to for all of these years and you HAVE to accept that there is NO duas and wazifas for someone who has had a haraam relationship.

This guy was NEVER right for you to spend your life but you were blind for so long and you still are so blind if you think that it is his family who have stopped him. NO my sister it is he himself who does NOT want to marry you! You must stop being foolish and thinking you want to be with him just because you had a haraam relationship for 6 years. Does that mean you will be happy in marriage? He was NOT your husband so what you and him had was NOT legitamate!

How do you expect someone like that who was not loyal with you for 6 years to be loyal with you for the rest of your life? Your lucky that h is out of your life because he would have ruined your life and you would have ended up being a divorcee or in a mental hospital.

These bollywood type false dreams are NOT reality and all of our brothers and sisters who are involved in such relationships MUST wake up and realise they will NEVER be happy whislt disobeying Allah! Whatever Allah wants for us is BEST for us and if you had listened to Allah in the first place and obeyed him then you would NEVER have been lead on, lied to and hurt like this. But the past is the past and you MUST accept what has happened and let time heal your heart.

You MUST turn to Allah and cry to him and beg for forgiveness for diobeying him! Tonight may even be Laylatul Qadr and so may any of the last nights of ramadan so you should make the best of these nights and worship Allah and make much dua to him asking of him to forgive you and help you get through this. He will nto reject your call. Don't waste any more time on him for he will NEVER come back to you and you have to realise that!

He was NEVER good for you to marry and is NOT meant for you and you should be happy for Allah will find you a better partner ONLY if you go about it in the right way! So make the best of these blessed nights and turn to Allah! The ONYL way you will get through this is by turning to Allah and trying to gain his mercy and forgiveness and by trying to get closer to him!

You have wasted enough time on crying over him. How precious is Ramadan and how much of it have you wasted on him? Do NOT waste anymore time and accept what has happened and learn from it and take lessons from it and NEVER repeat such a mistake again! Now turn to Allah my sister and whenever you are in pain you will find comfort in Allah!

And Allah knows best in all matters
hamza ali khan
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Posted 07 September 2010 - 01:19 AM (#10) User is offline   Mudassar-Rana 

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br hamza your post is quite insensitive. If the sister has taken the chance to appeal to her lord for help we should help her and not point fingers because it is not the case that we are without sin.
my brothers are those who will believe in me, without having seen me.” [Ahmad, Musnad]

Jaag Muslmaan Jaag Muslmaan ... kitna naacho gai ghairon ki dhun par?Jis ummat mein rab ne sher paida kiye aaj wohi gheedar ka libaas apna muqaddar samjh bethi
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Posted 07 September 2010 - 02:03 PM (#11) User is offline   Know-the-Ledge 

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Oh dear o' dear!
I.Will.Back
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Posted 07 September 2010 - 05:36 PM (#12) User is offline   The-Mughal-Sister 

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Know the Ledge (07.09.2010)
Oh dear o' dear!


Are you perturbed by the post?:P

My words in hard evidence, guys are commitment phobic and take advantage of young, naive and impressionable girls!
“Your knowledge must improve your heart, and purge your ego.”

Imam Ghazzali RA
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Posted 07 September 2010 - 05:50 PM (#13) User is offline   Ghulam_Attar 

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Just because I am HIV+ or because my grandmum whom I loved so much and so dearly passed away, does not mean, that my life is meant to come to an end.

Or just because I am HIV+ or my grandmum passed away, also does not mean that I can get a Wazifa, be HIV- and bring back my grandmum back alive.

Nor is there any Wazifa by which Muslims can be the rulers of Masjidul Aqsa.

Whats over is over, done and has already created a scar. And can not be undone.

In the first place you should have not spend 6 long years with him, expecting to marry someday. If you liked him and vice-versa, the marriage event should have taken long long time before.

Take few sessions with a psychologist/ counsillor, that can be very useful, and start a new.

BTW, feel free to talk with me (in public), I can throw in many good suggestion, as I have experienced living with suicidal stress for most part of my past youth years.

Also good that this scar is smaller compared to what could have happen if that lunatic left you 6 years after marriage.

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Posted 07 September 2010 - 06:29 PM (#14) User is offline   arabspyder 

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I was in a similiar situation with a girl I was with for years, but then I joined Dawat-e-Islami so I left her. I would get phone calls everyday so I disconnected my phone. Then emails everyday so I got a new email account. And now its been about two years and she has a new boyfriend and is happy I guess. I on the other hand am happy as well and have vowed never to get into a relationship until I am married.  Trust me you will get over it soon.
“The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr”
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Posted 08 September 2010 - 02:10 PM (#15) User is offline   Know-the-Ledge 

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sister_786 (07.09.2010)

Quote

Know the Ledge (07.09.2010)
Oh dear o' dear!


Are you perturbed by the post?:P

My words in hard evidence, guys are commitment phobic and take advantage of young, naive and impressionable girls!


Proper march masala original post, it has all the ingredients.  The blokes had his fun and left a blazing trail of destruction. He is not coming back, he's probably laughing with his mates that, 'if Shabnam/Simran or whoever can date me, she can love and date someone else, so i'm kicking her to the kerb', funny thing is, it's as easy as A-B-C-1-2-3.

Girls need to realise, that before boys dated them, they were and will always be mummy's boys, her orders overrule both our heads and hearts!

I.Will.Back
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Posted 12 September 2010 - 12:08 AM (#16) User is offline   naqshbandi_siter 

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Inshallah sister you will get over it I was almost going to get married and 2 months before the nikkah the engagement broke. Inshallah you will get better and we must all repent for all our actions because we don't know what we may have done to hurt anyone or get a gunnah. So allah guide us all ameen
O you who've gone on pilgrimage
where are you? Where, O where?
Here, here is the Beloved
O come now, come, O come!
Your friend, he is your neighbor,
He is next to your house
You, erring in the desert
What air of love is this?
           Rumi, Divan.
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Posted 19 October 2010 - 09:17 AM (#17) User is offline   purple_hays 

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Dear sis,

i just came to the site just to seek some dua ...its happening with me also..and its like ...cannot express.he is the guy i prayed a lot during my Hajj and Umrah..he was so much commited but his mother doesnt want it.they have some cast prob.last year his mother gave him a TAWEEZ and he told me that this is for his protection.and right after that we got so much troubles in our relation...many fights and he quit but we were in touch some how.i cannot manage myself without him.he is everything to me i cannot even walk without him.what to do?and in the month of May2010 i got effected by some magic...when i wokeup in the morning my shirts were torn.and things like that.i did consult some1 and it removed and so does our relation was better but again few days back it started and we again had some serious argument.Cant live without him.even i allowed him to get marry where his mother wants.but dont leave me this way.plz do let me know some dua to protect me with these nasty thisngs and definitly for my marriage to him.

May all your prob will resolve soon ameen
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Posted 19 October 2010 - 11:16 AM (#18) User is offline   qalam 

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salam

interesting posts - and you call me crazy and disturbed!

dr aq
Dr AQ- Product of a classcial education , fee paying of course!
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Posted 19 October 2010 - 11:46 AM (#19) User is offline   Just_Ahsun 

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As (19.10.2010)
Dear sis,

i just came to the site just to seek some dua ...its happening with me also..and its like ...cannot express.he is the guy i prayed a lot during my Hajj and Umrah..he was so much commited but his mother doesnt want it.they have some cast prob.last year his mother gave him a TAWEEZ and he told me that this is for his protection.and right after that we got so much troubles in our relation...many fights and he quit but we were in touch some how.i cannot manage myself without him.he is everything to me i cannot even walk without him.what to do?and in the month of May2010 i got effected by some magic...when i wokeup in the morning my shirts were torn.and things like that.i did consult some1 and it removed and so does our relation was better but again few days back it started and we again had some serious argument.Cant live without him.even i allowed him to get marry where his mother wants.but dont leave me this way.plz do let me know some dua to protect me with these nasty thisngs and definitly for my marriage to him.

May all your prob will resolve soon ameen


OK one step at a time sis, my first question to you is that would you really consider going into a house where you're not welcomed at all? You're truly loosing the point of marriage here, its easy to say that "I'll do this n I'll do that" to each other during emotional moments but a guy who never understood what his mom wanted, the dilemma will get only worse after marriage for you. You're not the first one going through this and clearly won't be the last one either but I just hope you can talk yourself into some sense and start building up your life before the feelings consume you deeper into this pit hole which you would find hard to move out from.

May Allah be your guide and source of love and comfort. Best wishes !
The tranquility of both worlds lies in two things: magnanimity towards friends and the wise management of enemies.

- Hafiz al-Shirazi
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Posted 20 October 2010 - 12:22 PM (#20) User is offline   purple_hays 

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Plz help me and do tell me some dua,its not a matter of enjoying things my life is on stake ...my parents are too old...do read my yesterday's email and suggest me some dua .Being a muslim we have a right on eachother to make dua for eachother...cant anyone tell me a dua which have immediate solution of my problem.
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