[JoeDacky]

Fekay, on 23 December 2011 - 01:19 AM, said:

I think it's fair to let students come over for education; theres alot of talanted students in pakistan who deserve a good chance to further their careers...

Salaam,

Its fair to let them come over only if education is their main purpose. And unfortunately, its not the talented students that are coming over, its the relatively well off ones. If you take a look at many of the big banks based mainly around Canary Wharf or the Square Mile, you'll notice that they take in bundle loads of Indian graduates and hardly any Pakistani graduates. The difference between our students that come over and the Indian ones are that they study harder and either look for good employment in the UK or return to India and better their country, ie long term thinking. Whereas our lot, wish to get behind the counter of the Kebabish or Chicken shop as soon as they leave Heathrow T3! Hence the reason our Indian neighbours are doing far better in education than us.

[piara-madinah]

Sobia-k, on 18 December 2009 - 10:07 PM, said:

<FONT face=Arial size=3>Assalamu Alaikum,</FONT></P><P><FONT face=Arial size=3>I have been married from pakistan for over 3 years know and it was the biggest mistake of my life and I completely agree with you brother never ever get married in pakistan or else you will regret it rest of your life.</FONT></P><P><FONT face=Arial size=3>I have treated him with respect in every way but he has always lied to me since the day I got married to him I have forgave him so many time's thinking that he will change but he will never and all he has ever cared about is money, visa and his family and he love's playing mind games with my head.</FONT></P><P><FONT face=Arial size=3>This was my family's decision for me to get married to him know look at me am the one that has to spend rest of my life with him. I don't know if all the guy's in pakistan are like this but where I stayed in pakistan believe me all of them are like this they have one thing on the mind is how to get a visa? no matter what</FONT>

no not of them like that may be he is from deprived area and most from deprived areas only come abroad making money , establish the family in pakistan or most of them are uneducated , better for the good parents if they care there own kids and let them marry where they want but most in these cases care the nephews and nieces , wants to bring them aborad by maarying there sons and daughters and most of the majorty parents uneducated .

brs and sisters educate yor parents day by day and let them realise that we are your kids care us more than your relitives and when after marraige they split there lives ruined but because of there parents because they done the wrong decision.

[Brother_MGS]

Why marriages from back home fail alot of the time is because its two people from two completely different worlds thrown in at the deep end without knowing anything about each other apart from Name and age. I think after the engagement if the oppertunity and time was given to both individuals to get to know each other, I reckon it'd go a long way in allowing a healthy marraige.

I know of a druglord from my area that has married from back home. He brought his Mrs a near enough brand new BMW M3, she decided to turn 'very religious' and said to him that she wants a divorce because of the lifestyle the husband lives. He agreed to it and said hes taking the M3 back, guess what shes ditched the Islamic outfit for the western outfit and now is a fully commited wife again.

Its good cousins in this country see each other as brother and sister, I feel sick in the stomach just thinking of any of my female cousins as anything more than a cousin.

Just looking at the people from back home who work in the take aways and restuarants, ask any of them if thats what they thought life in England would be like when they dreamt of blue and pink notes with the Queens head. I bet most of them still wish they had Bava Quid-e-Azam in their pockets.

[piara-madinah]

sunniskeptic, on 22 December 2011 - 09:49 PM, said:

I do not think one can generalise a whole community but having been there and done that (and I've got the
T shirt!) I can only agree with the brother. I do not think I will marry a girl from Pakistan again
as culturally we are very different. Certainly I found I had very little in common with a lower middle
class Pakistani girl; our values and outlook on life was very different.

Having said that I think someone who is very pious and practising could be happy with a
girl from Pakistan as most of these brothers just seem to want a girl who will have their children and
cook and clean for them and do the housework and most Pakistani girls (not all) and certainly those
from the countryside are brought up with the understanding that their role in life is to be a good
housewife. Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want.

I think it makes more sense to marry someone from the culture we grew up in; I am only talking
for myself but I tend to find I'd have more in common with a girl who is from the UK (even if she
is not Pakistani or Muslim initially) than someone from back home. That has been my personal
experience anyway.

I do think though that it doesn't help us to integrate into our host countries if we keep on bringing in freshies
for each generation to marry. Don't even get me onto the first cousin marriage issue!

To the original poster:brother, you have one life--don't waste it being miserable. It will be fairer for both of you
if you get out of the marriage now. Then try finding someone you are more compatible with. It all depends on what
you want in a partner.

Best of luck! :-)

-----
someone mentioned that our parents/grandparents generation never got divorced. i think it was
more a case of staying in a marriage no matter what due to the social shame of divorce.

I now
believe in marrying only for love.Better single and happy than married and miserable although being married and happy is the goal.

If you dont like pakistani girls fair enough but as you mentioned lower middle class what is your opinion only lower middle class marry abroad or what. But brother what I gathered may be you only met lower middle pakistanies , same we had classes here same in pakistan , marry in high class but they may not fit with you , we most marry the class we belong to ,very few marry lower class if they high class or very few marry high class if they from lower class.

most marry from relitives so then again the same class they belong to if you are from a very high class in ist place you will not involve with lower class so why criticise pakistani middle glass girls if they not got anything common with you .

but the problem as you mentioned countryside you mean villages etc yes they got nothing common but bhai 95%girls and boys come abroad by marriage and the main reason is they are there ist cousins etc , that mean if they are from middle lower class who they maarying they are the lower middle class as well , so what is the difference , difference is only money pounds etc savings but nothing else different they close relitives the class is same .

I agree with you on one point parents never think what is common but only uneducated parents because there vision is limited and in few cases I seen if a brother got 4 sons and his sister got 4 daughters they arranged all four marry each other and bring all abroad .

in many cases the familes in uk or usa they live abroad years and years but the culture same as villiagers and they never change when you meet them you feel you are in a deprived village in pakistan so the parents got everything common with them and I think the fault in children is well why cant they not try to change them slowly and teach them new things etc culture , new and easy living etc .

and when it comes to marriage the boy and girl can claim no I am not marrying in pakistan instead they keep the silence and get married and then found problems but by that time too late.

Still many parents they engage there kids and they didnt even ask them so that is parents fault but because of lack of education and lack of islamic teachings but good if you brothers and sisters speak out and tell them at good time that dont engage me anywhere we not marrying in pakistan if they angry get any elders involved by doing that you will save your life and the lower middle class girls life as well.

But still if parents wants there kids marry pakistan its better give them few chances visit few times and after if they agree but many what they do engage and go few days before marriage and then no choice they marry come here then problems they dont like each other and many when they visit , they go for few days and everytime they visit only the villages and from airport to village and back so many think only pakistan got lower middle class girls and boys only when ever visit , visit cities as well there are all class people live.

but the key is if we lower class relitives lower if we high relitives high .But in uk usa we think there is only one class pakistanies but no after maariage people realise we got classes here as well but we recognise them while we live with them .

[piara-madinah]

malik_786, on 08 November 2009 - 04:40 PM, said:

Salaam,<P>Thought i share some information regarding arranged marriages. </P><P>i have been married for 5 years from back hme, it has been a terrible relationship for me, she disrespects me every day in front of my family thats the ebarassing part. all they want is the queens head (money). my life is so dreadful i hate it?  so GLAD WE HAVE NO KIDS!!!!  I CANT HAVE ANY KIDS SHE NO'S THAT, MY FAMILY IS AWARE OF THAT? I NEED TO GET OUT OF MARRIAGE AND FIND MY SELF A SUITABL PARTNER</P><P>my life is basically leave hme @ 8.30 - 7.30 from work. 6 days a week? </P><P>DANGER:</P><P>NEVER MARRY FRESHIES FROM BACK HME?

I hope by now you living happy life and may be married again etc.
As you mentioned you cant have kids and the parents knew as well , ist question if you or your parents knew that did you tell the girl or her parents that before marriage that cant have kids .

If one cant have kids why marry and spoil the girls life. In many cases if a husband or wife one cant have kids , most knew no one marry them so they marry and keep quiet and the other party always use this as weapon and do there own wills.

may be your parents thats why quiet and may be you people didnt tell he rthis all before and now she is taking revenge .

In reality brother a good husband if cant have kids and he dont know before marriage and finds out after he should allow the wife if she wants to marry somewhere else give divorce happily if she wants to stay happily then give her more care.

and if you told her parents that before that cant have kids but still if she realise after she is not happy involve the elders and give her divorce she can start her new life.

you did not clear what sort of disrespect she does , shout abuse or ask for a kid and you did not close that is she knew before marriage that you cant have kids.

Request to brothers and sisters and to parents if one party cant have kids please let each other knew this before marriage, girls if they got any major problems otherwise they did not knew this before so if anywhere this situation seek medical help whatever they can have and if nothing available and you feel to live with them a big reward from Allah subhan but if not give them divorce and give them some financial help etc more than what you can.

and for boys 90% knew this before they not able to so never hide that from parents etc and if they knew tell them dont spoil someones life and find a girl who cant concieve or find someone need help mean sgot kids but divorced etc .

its a great sin by knwing one cant have kids and marry without letting the girls know that before marriage.

everyone saying sorry to the brother yes it is sad when wife disrespect and parents listen all and not stop her but there is some other problems must be why the parents quiet , and no one say to brother when you cant have kids why you marry , this is the one side story may be she is in distress as well far from home and cant have kids and cant have khula etc and may be still her parents didnt know that she end up in this trouble and may be she is mentally having stress.

[Mudassar-Rana]

ironic that some have become so "anti freshi" they forget that there parents were freshie's once!

[Know-the-Ledge]

Laugh My Coloured Head Off @ this thread

If you think it's bad now, wait till you hit the seven year itch...black or white, uk or fresh pot, it won't matter, you'll all become Arif Lohar fans

Agar maaloom hota ke shaadi majboor kar day gi...to bahot pehlay hi is aafat say tauba karni thi

This post has been edited by Know-The-Ledge: 23 December 2011 - 09:57 PM

[Malaaikah]

Im kinda warming to the idea myself and you know what....

I really dont care whether hes from Pakistan/India/England/Africa/China whether he's black/white/green/blue, just as long as he is decent I dont care about the rest its just extras and it just slows the whole process down. I think people tend to be too fussy these days, I mean no ones perfect so why look for someone that is? Having said that you'd think it makes everything hell of a lot easier but no you know what when you get married its not you who gets to decide who you marry its your family. So anyway if I should be married by the end of next year if Im not someone shoot me pppleasseee...

[piara-madinah]

Mudassar-Rana, on 23 December 2011 - 09:53 PM, said:

ironic that some have become so "anti freshi" they forget that there parents were freshie's once!

brother you right jub woh aye koi 30/40 saal before un main say most ki halat kiya thi majority uneducated no money no house and people were working in factories etc and sharing house with families or ub kion kay most uneducated /retired / or on social etc still logon ka dimgh khrab hay pakistani girls ko lower middle class kagha ja rha hay uger hum sab itny hi high class hain to ider kiya ker rahy hain ja ker apni zamenon jaydad per landlord bun ker rahoo angrezon kay country main to hum double lower hain .
sirf 4 alfaz english any say high class nahe bunta insaan or uger woh rich hay educated hay high class hay to lower middle class logon say to rishta kary ga hi nahe or uger woh ya us kay relitives middle class hain to nukhra kis baat ka sirf un becarion girls ko lower bnya ja rha because they cant speak english.

parents esi girls ko laty hain pakistan say taky as a noker kaam kurwaiyen or bigry howey boys ki freedom bhi save rehti hay .

[piara-madinah]

Malaaikah, on 24 December 2011 - 12:08 AM, said:

Im kinda warming to the idea myself and you know what....

I really dont care whether hes from Pakistan/India/England/Africa/China whether he's black/white/green/blue, just as long as he is decent I dont care about the rest its just extras and it just slows the whole process down. I think people tend to be too fussy these days, I mean no ones perfect so why look for someone that is? Having said that you'd think it makes everything hell of a lot easier but no you know what when you get married its not you who gets to decide who you marry its your family. So anyway if I should be married by the end of next year if Im not someone shoot me pppleasseee...

insha Allah sister you will marry by summer or hum sab mehndi shadi ki ker leen tyari.

app ki baat bilkul sahi hay jitna gur daloo utna meetha khood ko koi dekhta nahe kesa hay bechary freshies ki shamat but at the end un ko koi lata hay to attey hain .

jitny app khood achy hoty wesa rishta parents talash kerty kisi kisi kay sath shaed wrong ho jata but most educated ko educated unpurh ko unpurh .

[badman]

Salams,

Baji upne cousin bhai ko gaana suna thi hai-

Pardesi pardesi Aaana nahi
Hummei doondh nei
Hummei doondh nei
Pardesi mere Bhayaa
Yeh yaad rakhna.....
lalalalalala......
lalalalalala......
Humse Humei Rakhi bandana na bhool na jaana
Pardesi pardesi Aaana nahi
Humein doondh nei
hummei doondh nei (LolZ)

If there is honesty in Marriage and both are considerate then your halfway to a good life. the other half is actually finding that other half!
you marry from here or abroad its kismet. how many marriages from within the same country fail? quite a few to be honest.
there are certain things one can do to find out about the personality of a spouse -
if looking for a Wife - look at her Mother, she will be like her Mum
if looking for a Husband - look at his Father, he will be like his Dad.

I was married to a girl from pakistan, unfortunately it never worked out. would i marry again from abroad? (I dont think so) but its not the same for everybody I know a few friends who have married abroad/pakistan and I think they are quite happy. (ALLAH Hu Alim)

east no west britannia is the best!!! LolZ.

[Know-the-Ledge]

Chayr ke dil ki tooti taaroh ko ab tum iss ki saza se sarte ho
Khud hi toofan utthaye hein tumne aur khudi hawa se darte ho?

Thread locked, when I get on my laptop