[malik_786]

thank u sister sobia!!!! least ur on my side!

[malik_786]

salaam

Im still struggling with marriage cant take no more.......need help urgently?

she still fights with me etc,  and my parents know that but silence overtakes them?

peace out

[ehsan10]

Im married in Pakistan to a woman and im very satisfied.She is from a religious family.

[GunmetalGrey]

Hey bro, salaamu alaikum.
I feel for ya. I'm not married but I can feel the fitnah of forced marriage coming up soon. Insha'Allah I'll be able to exercise my rights as Islam has given me, but it's always sad to hear youth getting forcefully married.

The main thing is, try and maintain the level of your deen, increase yourself in Salaah, Tahajjud, maintain the basics of adab, and encourage her to do the same. If that doesn't work out, and you REALLY feel as if you're struggling with this marriage, then divorce would be the only option, to be honest. Find someone only on the basis of their deen first - then let everything else work it out.

Yeah yeah, it's unliked in Pakistani and Indian culture yaddayaddayadda... but your deen outweighs your culture. Technically under Shariah if you were married to someone without your consent (ie forced marriage) then the nikah is invalid. You'll need to stay strong under such circumstances and cling to the Sunnah with your molar teeth during the crunch!

Honestly, if you disobey your parents (with adab) by following Allah's orders, then it'll insha'Allah blow over and they'll understand. However... maintain your sabr. It's not really worth flipping your lid because it won't do you any good in the end.

That's really all I can say. I can make du'a for you but... insha'Allah you'll work it out.

And some of the older posts on here are borderline insensitive. Is belitting and using the 'straw man/slippery slope' the way to give nasihah?

[Hamzah]

Quote

GunmetalGrey (25.12.2009)

---

Hey bro, salaamu alaikum.
I feel for ya. I'm not married but I can feel the fitnah of forced marriage coming up soon. Insha'Allah I'll be able to exercise my rights as Islam has given me, but it's always sad to hear youth getting forcefully married.

The main thing is, try and maintain the level of your deen, increase yourself in Salaah, Tahajjud, maintain the basics of adab, and encourage her to do the same. If that doesn't work out, and you REALLY feel as if you're struggling with this marriage, then divorce would be the only option, to be honest. Find someone only on the basis of their deen first - then let everything else work it out.

Yeah yeah, it's unliked in Pakistani and Indian culture yaddayaddayadda... but your deen outweighs your culture. Technically under Shariah if you were married to someone without your consent (ie forced marriage) then the nikah is invalid. You'll need to stay strong under such circumstances and cling to the Sunnah with your molar teeth during the crunch!

Honestly, if you disobey your parents (with adab) by following Allah's orders, then it'll insha'Allah blow over and they'll understand. However... maintain your sabr. It's not really worth flipping your lid because it won't do you any good in the end.

That's really all I can say. I can make du'a for you but... insha'Allah you'll work it out.

And some of the older posts on here are borderline insensitive. Is belitting and using the 'straw man/slippery slope' the way to give nasihah?

Nice post, and good advice! I agree with you.

[waseem-ali-shah]

Wa alaikum asalaam,
brother,email me your detail problem.,insha allah with my peer sahib's wasila i will make dua for you.
allah hafiz
md waseem ali shah chistiya ul khadri

[GunmetalGrey]

*giggles*

...

o_0

[The-Mughal-Sister]

Asslamalikum

I feel for you brother and sister who were forced to marry back home, but to be totally truthful, it is not your fault but the fault of our elders.  Most elders are more son concerened about their sister/brother's child to come to England and forget that we are not transit containers but human beings with feelings.

If she disrespects you it is the job of the elders to scold her and teach her to show her husband respect.  She doesn't know she is doing wrong, and I hope you can tell her this and ask her change her attitude, in a polite manner.

Not all marriages from abroad end up in a disaster, I found out young generation in UK have no respect for elders, hence no respect for their spouse.

It is a dire situation, I pray Allah guide you and give you paitence to see it through,

[Gangohi-Ka-Dushman]

Quote

sister_786 (06.01.2010)

---

Asslamalikum

I feel for you brother and sister who were forced to marry back home, but to be totally truthful, it is not your fault but the fault of our elders.  Most elders are more son concerened about their sister/brother's child to come to England and forget that we are not transit containers but human beings with feelings.

If she disrespects you it is the job of the elders to scold her and teach her to show her husband respect.  She doesn't know she is doing wrong, and I hope you can tell her this and ask her change her attitude, in a polite manner.

Not all marriages from abroad end up in a disaster, I found out young generation in UK have no respect for elders, hence no respect for their spouse.

It is a dire situation, I pray Allah guide you and give you paitence to see it through,

 

Full agree, dear sister :hehe:

 

 

Ya Ali

[mujhadia]

Quote

ya muhammed (08.11.2009)

---

Salaam,

Thought ishare some information regarding arranged marriages.

i have been married for 5 years from back hme, it has been a terrible relationship for me, she disrespects me every day in front of my family thats the ebarassing part. all they want is the queens head (money). my life is so dreadful i hate it? so GLAD WE HAVE NO KIDS!!!! I CANT HAVE ANY KIDS SHE NO'S THAT, MY FAMILY IS AWARE OF THAT? I NEED TO GET OUT OF MARRIAGE AND FIND MY SELF A SUITABL PARTNER

my life is basically leave hme @ 8.30 - 7.30 from work. 6 days a week?

DANGER:

NEVER MARRY FRESHIES FROM BACK HME?

im sorry to hear about your situation brother. however, not all sisters from backhome are bad. i understand you being used for money though, that happens alot. speak to your wife and family, search your heart and then decide you next step. in cases like this, it kinda ends up bad. families dont talk to each other. but brother dont be resigned to a unhappy marriage.

[Just_Ahsun]

Quote

ya muhammed (25.12.2009)

---

salaam

Im still struggling with marriage cant take no more.......need help urgently?

she still fights with me etc,  and my parents know that but silence overtakes them?

peace out

Assalamu alaikum,

There is nothing stopping for you to opt for divorce if you have tried everything but to no avail. We just tried to explain you all the possibilities, its upto you dear brother in the end. But it might create more problems so I wish you all the best for the future. May Allah make it easy on you.

[deen_786]

salam

marrage shudnt b all about "being a well cook" it shud be about respect and  having a understanding between the two. And the women shud knw her role as a islamic wife, who shud be der 4 her husband but this wrks both ways.

Inshaa Allah. Allah will help u. pray n have faith in ALLAH

[Naesala]

Quote

ya muhammed (08.11.2009)

---

Salaam,

Thought ishare some information regarding arranged marriages.

i have been married for 5 years from back hme, it has been a terrible relationship for me, she disrespects me every day in front of my family thats the ebarassing part. all they want is the queens head (money). my life is so dreadful i hate it? so GLAD WE HAVE NO KIDS!!!! I CANT HAVE ANY KIDS SHE NO'S THAT, MY FAMILY IS AWARE OF THAT? I NEED TO GET OUT OF MARRIAGE AND FIND MY SELF A SUITABL PARTNER

my life is basically leave hme @ 8.30 - 7.30 from work. 6 days a week?

DANGER:

NEVER MARRY FRESHIES FROM BACK HME?

Assalamu Alaikum

Try not to generalise. The marriage did not work for you but your experiences is not applicable to the entire population across the globe...

[sunniskeptic]

I do not think one can generalise a whole community but having been there and done that (and I've got the
T shirt!) I can only agree with the brother. I do not think I will marry a girl from Pakistan again
as culturally we are very different. Certainly I found I had very little in common with a lower middle
class Pakistani girl; our values and outlook on life was very different.

Having said that I think someone who is very pious and practising could be happy with a
girl from Pakistan as most of these brothers just seem to want a girl who will have their children and
cook and clean for them and do the housework and most Pakistani girls (not all) and certainly those
from the countryside are brought up with the understanding that their role in life is to be a good
housewife. Nothing wrong with it if that's what you want.

I think it makes more sense to marry someone from the culture we grew up in; I am only talking
for myself but I tend to find I'd have more in common with a girl who is from the UK (even if she
is not Pakistani or Muslim initially) than someone from back home. That has been my personal
experience anyway.

I do think though that it doesn't help us to integrate into our host countries if we keep on bringing in freshies
for each generation to marry. Don't even get me onto the first cousin marriage issue!

To the original poster:brother, you have one life--don't waste it being miserable. It will be fairer for both of you
if you get out of the marriage now. Then try finding someone you are more compatible with. It all depends on what
you want in a partner.

Best of luck! :-)

-----
someone mentioned that our parents/grandparents generation never got divorced. i think it was
more a case of staying in a marriage no matter what due to the social shame of divorce.

I now
believe in marrying only for love.Better single and happy than married and miserable although being married and happy is the goal.

[Malaaikah]

When you say marrying from Pakistan is it the same as marrying a cousin say from India or from Bangladesh or Afghanistan even? In my eyes it is, although my parents differ with me on that. They seem to think if one wishes not to marry from Pakistan it only means Pakistan and therefore they will move onto the next country making sure England is the last and definitely the least on the list!

[The-Mughal-Sister]

Can I just thank the British Govt for tightening the laws for visas and making it not only hard but expensive to ship a partner from the subcontinent!!!

What a relief!!!

[Malaaikah]

The-Mughal-Sister, on 23 December 2011 - 01:04 AM, said:

Can I just thank the British Govt for tightening the laws for visas and making it not only hard but expensive to ship a partner from the subcontinent!!!

What a relief!!!

loll

You know what they have started to bring em over as students now as an alternative method...

Also, I thought it was getting better too but you know the "English" test they do over there isnt any good. I heard its really easy to pass that.

[Fekay]

Malaaikah, on 23 December 2011 - 01:09 AM, said:

loll

You know what they have started to bring em over as students now as an alternative method...

Also, I thought it was getting better too but you know the "English" test they do over there isnt any good. I heard its really easy to pass that.

I think it's fair to let students come over for education; theres alot of talanted students in pakistan who deserve a good chance to further their careers...

[Malaaikah]

Fekay, on 23 December 2011 - 01:19 AM, said:

I think it's fair to let students come over for education; theres alot of talanted students in pakistan who deserve a good chance to further their careers...

I agree but, what I dont agree on is the fact that our elders are using the "student visa" as an alternative to importing their cousins from back home so that once they are here they can marry their daughters off to them. Some of them have no interest to eductaion whatsoever and they wholly believe and aspire to the one and only goal in their life which is to come to England! Its absurd.

I know there are some genuine people out there but the reality is that many "students" come here and go to uni for a few months then drop out, get a job, get married and then do as they please.

Dont get me wrong I dont have issues with people coming here because they have as much right as I do for living in the UK but when you go against the laws of the country and basically do fraud to get here, that is wrong.

[minhajisis]

Malaaikah, on 23 December 2011 - 05:28 PM, said:

I agree but, what I dont agree on is the fact that our elders are using the "student visa" as an alternative to importing their cousins from back home so that once they are here they can marry their daughters off to them. Some of them have no interest to eductaion whatsoever and they wholly believe and aspire to the one and only goal in their life which is to come to England! Its absurd.

I know there are some genuine people out there but the reality is that many "students" come here and go to uni for a few months then drop out, get a job, get married and then do as they please.

Dont get me wrong I dont have issues with people coming here because they have as much right as I do for living in the UK but when you go against the laws of the country and basically do fraud to get here, that is wrong.

I agree

I think the main problem with abroad marriages is the culture clash, this usually leads to a lack of understanding and empathy between both parties which is why the marriage may not be successful, however some abroad marriages do work so its wrong to generalise.