[malik_786]

Salaam,

Thought i share some information regarding arranged marriages.

i have been married for 5 years from back hme, it has been a terrible relationship for me, she disrespects me every day in front of my family thats the ebarassing part. all they want is the queens head (money). my life is so dreadful i hate it?  so GLAD WE HAVE NO KIDS!!!!  I CANT HAVE ANY KIDS SHE NO'S THAT, MY FAMILY IS AWARE OF THAT? I NEED TO GET OUT OF MARRIAGE AND FIND MY SELF A SUITABL PARTNER

my life is basically leave hme @ 8.30 - 7.30 from work. 6 days a week?

DANGER:

NEVER MARRY FRESHIES FROM BACK HME?

[malik_786]

salaam

had no choice everything was set

[s4mr4h_78]

Wa alaikum asalaam,

Brother your situation leads you to think that marrying from pakistan is bad for everyone. I know quite afew people who have married in pakistan, to someone who they agreed to and are happily married. We can't tar everything with the same brush.

As for your situation, you need to speak to your wife and see what you both want and then go from there

[YaNabi-Chemist]

I wouldn't lay blame on the whole of Pakistan; you may well have had problems with a British wife. Many men prefer women from back home as they are better at cooking and cleaning et cetera ( :P )

You shouldn't really marry people you know nothing about, or don't have in mind to begin with.........It's pretty darn obvious isn’t it?

In an ideal world one would expect parents to consult their sons and daughters about marriage, and respect their decision not to marry. Unfortunately we do not live in an ideal world and chances are that parents have ulterior motives behind choosing your life partner (British passport).

You should have plucked up the courage and confronted your parents back then, it’s too late now……….isn’t it?

[sug]

[quote]Faraz Hassan (08.11.2009)

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I wouldn't lay blame on the whole of Pakistan; you may well have had problems with a British wife. Many men prefer women from back home as they are better at cooking and cleaning et cetera ( :P )

WHAT?! better at cooking no way,!! im not bragging but my cooking and variation in cooking is alot better. thankyou, i can also tell u i have 3 sister in laws from back home and they just want a servant/taxi everywhere, and they soo lazy just want to lie down watchn hindu drama bull. do i need to go on............ i rest my case they just want new clothes and gold what a life and the poor hubbys work theyre backsides off just to pay for all the stuff!!  although my inlaws will disagree cos i dont like that stuff and i like covering up like a muslim should do, (dont get me started on how they dress well dont dress!) i think my hubby lucky he got me!:cool:;):P

[mujahideen786]

Salaam.

I understand whr u comin from.

Been married for 10 yrs..and there is no real happiness.

I think should get married from the same country you live/born in.

There r some good points and many bad points.

The main 1 being the natural undrstandin.

There is a money factor issue but not a major cause..(1 of the main things is that wants to bring family membrs over..its like u married the whole family not in2 it :) )

The thing that has kept this marriage togthr is our 3 beautiful childrn.

All i  can say is do what your heart says..if not you will regrt it.

Hope everythin works out ok.

[malik_786]

i wrok my backside off at royal mail? as u are aware of the postal strikes i have lost alot of money for the last 4 months.

but these freshie women still resisist on their desires? get me gold, clothes etc? shmable man?

poor man like me has 2 suffer in silence but i get nothing.

i have no life go ork in th emorning and come in the night?

[s4mr4h_78]

[quote]sug (08.11.2009)

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[quote]Faraz Hassan (08.11.2009)

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I wouldn't lay blame on the whole of Pakistan; you may well have had problems with a British wife. Many men prefer women from back home as they are better at cooking and cleaning et cetera ( :P )

WHAT?! better at cooking no way,!! im not bragging but my cooking and variation incookingis alot better. thankyou, i can also tell u i have 3 sister in laws from back home and they just want a servant/taxi everywhere, and they soo lazy just want to lie down watchn hindu drama bull. do i need to go on............ i rest my case they just want new clothes and gold what a life and the poor hubbys work theyre backsides off just to pay for all the stuff!! although my inlaws will disagree cos i dont like that stuff and i like covering up like a muslim should do, (dont get me started on how they dress well dont dress!)i think my hubby lucky he got me!:cool:;):P[/quote]

lol, That's something which alot of dudes from here say, that girls from pakistan are better at cooking and housework. But I think there is good and bad in every group of people, just because you have a nationality of a certain kind, doesn't determine the quality of your cooking skills! jeeeeeeeez

[ess2k]

good point there brother, nationality dont determine how good a kook is, but it may have something to do with the master chef who has thought them.

[Imran.]

Assalaam Alaikum

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ya muhammed (08.11.2009)

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I CANT HAVE ANY KIDS SHE NO'S THAT, MY FAMILY IS AWARE OF THAT? I NEED TO GET OUT OF MARRIAGE AND FIND MY SELF A SUITABL PARTNER

Why cant you have kids?

Could there be a mental stigma that is really behind all this marital unease?

[AUUA-Youth]

Asalaam o alaoykum

Brother, have some respect

we have many brothers and sisters who use this forum, they are from "back home"

My reply is for them,  please have respect for your fellow brothers and sisters

simply, your someone i describe as a coward!

YOU should have been a real man and spoke up at the first instance, why did you marry her? YOU should have got to know about her more.

let me tell you something about the "freshies from back home"

Many of our great teachers and guides, our murshids are what you call " freshies from back home", behind them are great women, mothers who carried them for 9 months, wives who were the inspiration behind their work.

The best answer to your cowardly post is from our beloved prophet salalahu alahi wasalams last sermon!

Nabi salalahu alahi wasalam said,

People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste.

You have to ask yourself why you did nikah with this women,  what was your intention? Did you marry her because abu jee said? When you did nikah and the khutba was read and you were asked 3 times, i believe you said yes yes yes!

There is no doubt that some marriages will not work but that does not give you the right to blame everyone from Pakistan.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves

Nabi salalahu alahiwasalam has made it clear nobody is more superior then others except in piety.

Your country of residence does not make you the scum of this earth.

I am very upset with the nature of some of the replies on this post, we have forgotton that Allah has placed us in this country and that it is not because we are any better. What troubles me is that many of our elders have come from pakistan as freshies, we have no respect.

Allah has given us our spouses and given us joy, if Allah wills we can be tested, our relationships can become difficult so be grateful to Allah, We are happy and content  only because Allah has made it possible.

Their are people from back home who are closer to Allah and his messanger than any of us can ever be, do not be ungrateful.

My murshid came from pakistan, they did in less than a year what the british teachers could not in 17 years of my life.

may Allah give us understanding

 

[AUUA-Youth]

Somethings are just not acceptable, its about time we stopped the insults to our  members from pakistan, intentional or not

Its not just him, we have other members who think they are better just because Allah placed them here

[hafiz-qadri]

Aslaamualikum

I could agree to an extent about not getting married from Pakistan.A few of my cousins married from back home and they are suffering big time,their wife's are forever sending money,clothes and other household items to their family.One cousins wife sent over 15k to her brothers because they were struggling without his knowledge,the poor boy was saving up deposit for a house.British Pakistani girls are way better,more Islamic,better cooks basically better in everything

[AUUA-Youth]

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hafiz qadri (09.11.2009)

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Aslaamualikum

I could agree to an extent about not getting married from Pakistan.A few of my cousins married from back home and they are suffering big time,their wife's are forever sending money,clothes and other household items to their family.One cousins wife sent over 15k to her brothers because they were struggling without his knowledge,the poor boy was saving up deposit for a house.British Pakistani girls are way better,more Islamic,better cooks basically better in everything

is that a fact or your opinion?

Our opinions are based upon of surroundings, i have seen the best and worst of both sides. So i have no extreme belief about anyside.

I have seen sisters come over from pakistan and be the means for their husbands guidance to the deen, on the other hand i have seen them come and rip the whole family apart.

We have both extremes in Pakistan and Uk, if they watch dramas coming from their, they watch eastenders here. Surely all the sisters in the uk do not watch eastenders, do they?

To Allah we are all the same :), only in piety are we different.

[Imran.]

I think this marginalising of brides from pakistani in general is a bit harsh.

Most(or nearly all) of our moms would have come to the west the same way,lets not forget,and it worked out fine for them.

Where then are the 2nd/3rd generation going wrong?

 

 

[New-Leaf]

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Imran. (09.11.2009)

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I think this marginalising of brides from pakistani in general is a bit harsh.

Most(or nearly all) of our moms would have come to the west the same way,lets not forget,and it worked out fine for them.

Where then are the 2nd/3rd generation going wrong?

 

 

 

I think more Pakistani women are modernising. Long gone are the likes of our mothers and grandmothers, God bless their cotton socks.

[Star78692]

Life is a choice of yours .. we tend to live as we want. We blame others for our misfortunes. Our choices are our future. if you are not happy ... quit the marriage and try again if you have the courage to do so.

We cannot rationalise that people are bad from this country of that ... there are many different type of people in all communities and all countries.

[Know-the-Ledge]

I think the original poster meant 'never marry....'

 

Imran, it didn't 'work out fine'! They created a generation which continues to be placed at the bottom in academic achievement, as one measure amongst many others illustrating what seems congenital failure from the cradle to the grave!

 

The 2nd and 3rd generation are merely a continnum of their inadequacy.

[zahir-b]

salams,

over here :crying::crying:   i feel your pain:crying::crying:

may ALLAH SWT forgive all our shortcomings whether we are right or wrong and gives every single one of us a husband/wife we can be at ease with, InshALLAH.   

[hafiz-qadri]

Aslaamualikum

When our Mums and Grand-mums came to this country they had an excellent upbringing by their Parents.That's why in that Era Divorce was unheard of,nowadays Parents in Pakistan tell their daughters go to England send loads of money to us.Basically girls are brainwashed to looking after their families back home.Oh forgot to mention once they get British citizenships then sponsors go into overdrive to get family members over.