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Marriage proposals are getting rejected due to..

Posted 20 December 2007 - 07:40 AM (#1) User is offline   sultana 

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Dear brothers & sisters,Assalam o alaikum,I wanted to post my friend's cry here.I hope the brothers & sisters of YaNabi would help her out.InshaAllah.

She(My friend) is getting lots of proposals but she's simply getting rejected because of her wheatish Medium complexion.Even a wheatish-dark colour guy, needs a fair complexioned girl.

Now,her parents are very sad & don't know how to make their daughter get married.My Friend's Family including her are religious people.Her parents are seeking allaince for her for the past 2 years.And just because of her complexion she is getting rejected.Her parents also got taweez for her.She is wearing that for the past 1 year.

A couple of days back,too she was rejected for this reason.When i ringed her, she cried a lot by telling this to me.I convinced her somehow & told her that i would seek help from Yanabi.com.

Dear brothers & sisters,could you suggest any dua to be recited by her so as to be liked by the groom family in her next proposal?

(And Make dua for her)


I belive and i have faith Only in Allah SWT..
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Posted 20 December 2007 - 01:24 PM (#2) User is offline   fouzia-attaria 

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WalykumAssalam.

Every second girl is going through this problem.
You see everybody want 'Pari's' . Anyways ask her not to loose hope, that's all.

And if you search the forum, we have some threads about the Wazeefas you are looking for.


Signature reset by YaNabi Team. Keep it nice and SHORT.
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Posted 20 December 2007 - 03:29 PM (#3) User is offline   sultana 

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Where is the wazeefa .. could you help me out in finding..


I belive and i have faith Only in Allah SWT..
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Posted 20 December 2007 - 06:38 PM (#4) User is offline   ShaBanA-FaTiMa 

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This is awful, the only thing i can say is everything happens by the will of Allah and He is the one that brings 2 people together.  Please tell the sister not to lose hope as the people are judging her for what Allah has given her (astakfirullah) everyone is perfect and naturally beautiful.  Inshallah she will find someone who understands this and loves her for her good personality and well-being too. 

Also there is a hadith where Prophet Muhammad (SalAllaho Alahi WaAlehi Wasalam) said a man who choses his wife for her wealth/ beauty or status/ class is the unsuccessful man and the relationship will not be a strong one, the man who choses a true muslimah is the man of success.  SubahaanAllah (sorry can not find the hadith at this present time)  
Hazarat Muhammad (SalAllaho Alahi WaAlehi Wasalam) said 'Follow me and you shall be in the light'
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Posted 20 December 2007 - 06:43 PM (#5) User is offline   katz01 

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Assalamu alaykum,

I read this note and felt sad for the sister in question, however it may not be such a bad thing, anyman who can reject a lady simply on her looks is not worth it.

Tell her to read salawat darood shariff (any particular one) and send the reward of this to the prophet saws and ahle bayat and ask Allah (swt) to make it easy for her on account of them.

She can also read surah TAHA which is supposed to help in these matters.

If she does the above, no doubt it will help.

Sallams,

Mohamed
Mohamed
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Posted 24 December 2007 - 02:16 PM (#6) User is offline   sultana 

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JazakAllah to the 2 sisters who have taken part.

And JazakAllah to the brother Mohamed.I would surely ask her to read taha.BUt, could you explain what is ahle bayat?sorry for my ignorancy.
I belive and i have faith Only in Allah SWT..
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Posted 24 December 2007 - 03:07 PM (#7) User is offline   Miss-Qadri 

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Walaikum Assalam,

She needs to be feel good about getting rid of such pathetic individuals!!

Neither did we choose our wonderful parents nor do we choose our spouses, so no need to worry 

Btw girls, since this is a such a common problem and every second is sad over not getting married so I happen to know a wazeefa for it.

Read 'salaam un qaulam mir rabirr rahim' (ayat no.58 of Surah yaseen) 131 times after Asar prayers with darud sharif 11 times before and after the tasbeeh.

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Posted 24 December 2007 - 03:22 PM (#8) User is offline   Miss-Qadri 

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Originally posted by: Weak Soul

JazakAllah to the 2 sisters who have taken part.And JazakAllah to the brother Mohamed.I would surely ask her to read taha.BUt, could you explain what is ahle bayat?sorry for my ignorancy.

Ahle Bayt are the family of the Beloved Prophet
Do check the following section sister.
The Ahle Bayt
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Posted 24 December 2007 - 07:06 PM (#9) User is offline   Sher-e-Raza 

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An excellent wazifah for such situations is to recite a specific couplet from the Qasidah Burdah shareef.

Ya Akram Al-Khalqi Maa Lee Man Aluzu Bihi?
Siwaaka Inda Hulooli Al-Haadithi Al-Amaami!

Recite it always as much as possible and surely the Beloved will help.
Mere To Dard Bhi Auro Ke Kaam Aate Hai,
Mai Ro Paroo To Kayee Log Muskuraate Hai!

Bohot Gumaan Hai Zahid Ko Sar Bulandi Par,
Use Bataao Keh Taare Bhi Toot Jaate Hai!
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Posted 24 December 2007 - 08:40 PM (#10) User is offline   zaini 

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Assalmalaikum.
Here are few wazaifs,which will definitely help you out INSHALLAH.

1)After ISHA prayers read YA LATEEFU 100 times.
Read Durud Shareef 11 times,awwal,aakhir
Duration= 21 days.

2)2 Rakat Salatul Hajat.After performing the Salah read the following:
100 time Durud Shareef(any-u can even read Sallal Lahu Ala Muhammad Sallal Lahu Alaihi Wasallam)
1 time Durude Taj
100 times Astaghfar tasbih( Astighfirullah Rabbi Min Kulli Zambin Wa Atubu Ilaih)
Make Dua for Naik and Salih rishta
Duration=Only once either after Zuhr ,Maghrib or Isha

3)11 times- Allahumma Sallay Ala Sayyidina Muhhammadiyun Wala Ali Saayyidina Muhammadiyun Wabarik Wasallim
11 times- Wahuwallazi Khalaqa Minal Ma ee Basharan Faja Alahu Nasabaoon Wasihra. Wakana Rabbuka Qadeera
Surah al Furqan.Ayat no.54
11 times- Above mentioned Durud Shareef
3 times- Ya Jawwadu Ya Wajidu Ya Majidu
1 times- O ALLAH grant me with your utmost Blessings Naik and Salih rishta.Ameen
1 time- Above mentioned Durud Shareef

Read the above mentioned once daily after doing Wudu.

4)To remove any obstacles :
Read ALLAH,AL LATIF,AR RAHIM 222 times after every Namaz daily.

As for proposals getting rejected due to complexion,tell her to cry her heart out once after prayers.Believe me it helps a lot and then decide that she wont ever cry again regarding this issue.People may be rejecting her complexion but there is someone who loves u more than the love of 70 mothers.This feeling will give her new hope.HE loves us not on the basis of colour but sees our heart(provided we are sincere).We need to live with that spirit.Self communication and reassurance is the key.Crying isnt a solution.


Kyun RAZA mushkil say daryai
Jab NABI MUSHKIL KUSHA ho
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Posted 24 December 2007 - 10:05 PM (#11) User is offline   Ghulam_Attar 

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sisters, to be honest, the entire blame game should not be placed on men alone.

you people need to find out the reason why every 2nd girl is going through the same problem. Its not because of that there are less men in our society. There are literally as many men as there are women. So mathematically, this means, that there is a pair for every woman.

being a brother, the way I have found suffering through the same problem is that, what I have seen is that girl's family often have a high expectations when it comes to how well the to-be groom needs to be financially capable to support a family. enough is not normally enough. and brothers with good $$$ (which implicitly translate into good university education) always have package of proposals.

when I was a 20 yr old stupid (http://www.yanabi.com/forum/messageview.cfm?catid=61&threadid=6988) , and more down to sunnah, sunnah and sunnah when it comes to nikah, i was worth a total idiot whenever I talked with someone about getting me married, back then I even tried a Wazifa from Faizane Madina, and would literally cry in the night to plead to Allah to save me from the fitnah and haram. more than 2 years from then, with a little more maturity, I have learned the lesson the hard way. As soon as I polished my attitude, and started talking what university I have been to, and what $$$ potential I have, I really started having trouble to choose, given the numbers of girls who started getting interested in me.

its not simply down to that all brothers want a pari, its also down to that most sisters also want a financially heavyweight brother.


you can have a look around, and you wont be surprised to find a reasonable % of pious brother in their 30s who are still single and technically looking.
Who is to be blamed for all this? The way I see it from my side is sisters.
But again, I can not generalise my statement for all sisters.

Allah knows the best.

Muhammad Ghulam Attar Qadri Al-Hanafi

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Posted 24 December 2007 - 10:47 PM (#12) User is offline   Ghulam_Attar 

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By the way, if nothing works for her, suggest to her parents to look for a brother who is willing to accept a 2nd/3rd wife.

Brothers who are married typically have less expectations, regarding how beautiful the girl needs to be.


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Posted 25 December 2007 - 02:27 AM (#13) User is offline   Mudassar-Rana 

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i can categorically assure that it is not guys that are doing the rejecting but his females relations!

its an education thing thats all and all things happen with the will of allah - so if something doesnt happen - y worry - Allah doesnt want it - when he does it will be best for you - please dont go silly and start seeing people for taweez's etc it will only lighten your pocket!

inshallah all will be well!


my brothers are those who will believe in me, without having seen me.” [Ahmad, Musnad]

Jaag Muslmaan Jaag Muslmaan ... kitna naacho gai ghairon ki dhun par?Jis ummat mein rab ne sher paida kiye aaj wohi gheedar ka libaas apna muqaddar samjh bethi
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Posted 25 December 2007 - 05:21 PM (#14) User is offline   salmans 

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whats wrong with people today? oh yeah they are far away from islam and only interested in this materialistic life. guys want fair and lovely , gals want rich tall and handsome. whatever happened to islamic, ethics, morals, manners, earnings enough to support a family? we all know how todays muslims society is all messed up. anyway sounds like a typical marriage problem. We are supposed to marry someone who is religious. According to a hadith i cant remember the exact words but its interpretation was that men marry for 3 reasons looks, money, religiousness or piousness and we are recommended by Huzoor Sal allahu alayhe wasallam to marry a pious/religious girl. but modern men dont care or maybe just not aware of the hadith and arent so religious thmselves. And marriage also has to do with ones destiny. If you are destined to be with someone then it will be so. hmm.....which makes me think ....there are a lot of religious people here on this site/forum. maybe we should also have a matrimonials sections strictly for the Ahle Sunnat only......hmmm ...YaNabi.com Matrimonials.... Religious proposals for religious people. Ahle Sunnat only! Not a bad idea what do you think? :D
Chamak Tujh se patey hai sab paney wale
Mera dil bhi chamka de Chamkaneywaley (Sal allahu alayhe wasallaam)
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Posted 25 December 2007 - 07:02 PM (#15) User is offline   Secular-Revolution 

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It is unfortunate to hear the story considering the girl is located in India where one may find a lot of dark skinned people.

In my opinion, it is not unreasonable for a fair skinned individual to expect a fair skinned wife. A successful marriage is about compatability. What I find disconcerning in this case is that even dark-skinned guys expect a fair wife.

Ghulam Attar has raised some interesting points. One thing I find amusing in his narrative is how brothers are looking for sisters to get married to and vice versa! How about using the term spouse or marriage partner etc.? Although, the point about girls seeking financial bliss is valid, but at the sametime it is not unfair for girls and their parents to expect financial security from their prospective partners. It is nevertheless an obligation for a man to support his wife financially.

Brother Salman above writes about, "what is wrong with people today and that they are far from Islam". Well my dear brother, people (most of them I would like to think) these days enter into a martial bond with the intention of a lifetime commitment.

Most muslims these days do not,

1. practice polygamy (multiple wives) - up to four.

2. marry teenage girls at an old age, once one of their wives pops off leaving room for more (count to four).

3. have unlimited supply of slave girls.

4. hold captive any excellent women whom they desire as much as ransom for them. (observe the following alleged hadiths that follow below).

I guess, once you bring the above back into the equation, people will be a lot closer to Islam and more willing to disregard beauty for marriage purposes, as with a combination of the above factors, one has got to hit a fairy at some stage.

I find it more dignified to pursue a single fair-skinned girl than take captive lots of excellent women to satisfy ones desires and thereafter demand ransom for them? - I am sure this is not the idea you had of bringing people closer to Islam?

You see my fellow religious pundits, chanting Islam, Islam, Islam into every matter can sometimes backfire too!

Warning:- Read the following hadiths at your own risk. Adult content warning! Do not come back to shoot me. I am merely the messenger bringing grim news from your second most authentic book of hadith! 




Sahih Muslim: Book 008, Number 3371:
Abu Sirma said to Abu Sa'id al Khadri (Allah he pleased with him): O Abu Sa'id, did you hear Allah's  Messenger (may peace be upon him) mentioning al-'azl? He said: Yes, and added: We went out with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) on the expedition to the Bi'l-Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab women; and we desired them, for we were suffering from the absence of our wives, (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have sexual intercourse with them but by observing 'azl (Withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid-conception). But we said: We are doing an act whereas Allah's Messenger is amongst us; why not ask him? So we asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), and he said: It does not matter if you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of Resurrection will be born.

Sahih Muslim: Book 008, Number 3373:
Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) reported: We took women captives, and we wanted to do 'azl with them. We then asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, and he said to us: Verily you do it, verily you do it, verily you do it, but the soul which has to be born until the Day of judgment must be born.


Kaabay Kis Mun Se Jao Ge SR!
Sharam Tum Ko Magar Nahin Aati

The difference between the Mullah and Satan is that the latter is not a hypocrite!
[Secular Revolution - the artist formerly known as Sunni Revolution]
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Posted 25 December 2007 - 07:21 PM (#16) User is offline   hb014g4573 

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Originally posted by: Sunni Revolution

(Withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid-conception). But we said: We are doing an act whereas Allah's Messenger is amongst us; why not ask him? So we asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), and he said: It does not matter if you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of Resurrection will be born.
Sahih Muslim: Book 008, Number 3373: Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) reported: We took women captives, and we wanted to do 'azl with them. We then asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, and he said to us: Verily you do it, verily you do it, verily you do it, but the soul which has to be born until the Day of judgment must be born.



Can you please clarify or simplify what the above Ahadith especially the text in blue is telling the reader.

Is the hadith saying that even if the semen was or were not to have contact with the egg, (which would normally prevent fertalization/reproduction) that the baby would still somehow be born regardless of when or how or if do not understand?

I don't really understand the hadith and I 've come across it before I'm sure but still in confusion.  Please let us know what we need to properly know.  Ta
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Posted 26 December 2007 - 10:24 AM (#17) User is offline   salmans 

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what i meant to say is that most muslims today are materialistic and interested mostly in worldly blessings and not completely into the spiritual/practical aspects of islam. look around and you see people spending hours studying or working which is a definitely a good thing but most dont wake up for fajr, dont attend jumma due to work. isnt islam about making a better afterlife? we have completely let go of that concept and so when it comes to marriage girls and guys want someone appealing while forgetting that beauty doesnt last too long and usually in 10 to 20 years fades away. its the personality, the character of a person that is everlasting unless that person goes astray. anyway no point in debating this issue as we all know that our partners are written in our destiny. I dont understand as to how the above mentioned hadith applies to this topic of marriage proposals being rejected due to dark skin.
Chamak Tujh se patey hai sab paney wale
Mera dil bhi chamka de Chamkaneywaley (Sal allahu alayhe wasallaam)
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Posted 01 January 2008 - 12:27 AM (#18) User is offline   sunniqadrimuslimah 

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The question is that , what can be done in this regard??? How this "difficult" task can be made easy? Possibly by getting rid of cultural myths? I don't see how the Hadith mentioned by SR in relevant to this topic? The purpose of marriage is to keep ones' self under good control so simple is that until the time( even after ) one is not married the other alternative is keeping fast as Rasool Allah salAllahu aliyhi wassalam has advised to youth so that they can control nafs. May Allah help us all, Ameen
Qallat helati anta waselati adrikni Ya RasoolAllah (SalalAllahu Alihe wassalam)
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Posted 23 February 2008 - 03:15 AM (#19) User is offline   Tulip 

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If this hadith is true, then it is condoning sex outside of marriage.  The logical end is that it is all right to be sexually active with boyfriends and girlfriends.
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Posted 23 February 2008 - 03:46 AM (#20) User is offline   Madad-Ya-Rasulullah-saw 

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As salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

The Hadith seems pretty clear to me, it is in their destiny whether they do it or not and whether a child will be born from that intercourse or not.

To Sister/Brother Tulip sorry i don't know which, it is not condoning sex outside of marriage. Sex with slave girls is completely permitted and is clearly stated in the Quraan and Ahadith.


Laa Fatah illa 'Ali Laa Sayf illa Dhulfiqaar

Ali nu yaad karo
Jisi 'Ali nahin milte Khuda nahin milta

Ya Ameerul mumineen wa Imaamul mutaqeen Imaamul Awliyah Sher e Allah Mawlana e kainaat Mushkil kushaa Sayyidina Mawlana Haider al Karrar 'Ali al Murtadha 'alaykas salaam Madad
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