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Forced Marriages - Know your rights The Islamic ruling

Posted 31 May 2007 - 08:39 PM (#1) User is offline   Sami-Zaatari 

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salam all, there is a common argument that Islam allows forced marriages! indeed this is a strange claim since i have never seen such a teaching, however so this IS what Islam says concerning this topic:

http://muslim-responses.com/Forced_Marriages/Forced_Marriages_

so all you sisters remember the hadiths and ayat in this article! know your rights! as they say.
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Posted 31 May 2007 - 10:22 PM (#2) User is offline   k847guns 

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forced marriages have nothing in islam but people have jusrified there actions by using religion or culture. lets not forget these scholars just want to look good and thing they know everything.

i know alots of asian girls not just muslim girls who have been forced in marriage due to emtional backmail or pressure and yes they are going through tough times.
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Posted 01 June 2007 - 06:37 PM (#3) User is offline   F17RH4N 

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Originally posted by: neha cheese

forced marriages have nothing in islam but people have jusrified there actions by using religion or culture. lets not forget these scholars just want to look good and thing they know everything.

i know alots of asian girls not just muslim girls who have been forced in marriage due to emtional backmail or pressure and yes they are going through tough times.

neha cheese, Where has scholers become a part of this issue related to forced marrieges. Ok so they think they know it all, you tell me which scholer you know of says in some way that forced marrieges is oright.

**Sunni Talwar** is correct with what he has said, 'if improvement is to be done education needs to come.' There are always alternatives to situations...
'Let's unite as 1 ummah' www.1ummah1.co.uk
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Posted 06 June 2007 - 04:16 AM (#4) User is offline   Nabeel50 

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A question does come to mind then

Great deal of importance is placed on the parents. Some parents can force you without even saying a word. If you know what I mean.

Basically a child may think that the parents have given a lot of sacrifices you can say to raise the child. That's where the son/daughter stay quiet keeping the very thing in mind.

However, the marriage is still not of the choice of the child. What do scholars say to that?
Har kujaa beeni Jaahaan-e-Rung-O-boo
AankaY az khaakash barveed-e-aarzoo
Yaaz Noor-e-Mustafa, ooraa bahaast
Yaa hanooz under Talaash-e-Mustafa ast
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Posted 07 June 2007 - 08:37 PM (#5) User is offline   F17RH4N 

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Originally posted by: Nabeel Hashmi

A question does come to mind then

Great deal of importance is placed on the parents. Some parents can force you without even saying a word. If you know what I mean.

Basically a child may think that the parents have given a lot of sacrifices you can say to raise the child. That's where the son/daughter stay quiet keeping the very thing in mind.

However, the marriage is still not of the choice of the child. What do scholars say to that?

Brother Nabeel Hashmi,

I know what you mean, but the time and age we are in, decission have to be more away from our favour. Basically you need to be cruel to be kind, we think we know whats right for us but we should remember our parents our like our boss, you have a commitment. Instead of rejecting you parents choice just 'go with the flow'. Its best in this day and age for our parents to choose as we can be naive when it comes to finding a partner. Most Muslim youth dont know what love means, if our parents do what they have to do then atleast there is less fights and arguments.
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Posted 04 July 2007 - 10:56 AM (#6) User is offline   nassorti 

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Assalaam aleykum..i understand that our parents only want the best for us..however we should remember that our parents wont be the ones living with the chosen partner,we will.So if we don't like them at all we will be merely drift in marriage and lead an unhappy life and also make our partners unhappy don't you think?..i believe we should try winning our parents over make them see what it is that made us like the ones we want to marry or they should try winning us over by making us see what they saw in the potential partner that we would like..we should be given a choice.. it is our lives. after all..right?
nas..
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Posted 27 July 2007 - 11:25 PM (#7) User is offline   F17RH4N 

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Originally posted by: nasra nandha

Assalaam aleykum..i understand that our parents only want the best for us..however we should remember that our parents wont be the ones living with the chosen partner,we will.So if we don't like them at all we will be merely drift in marriage and lead an unhappy life and also make our partners unhappy don't you think?..i believe we should try winning our parents over make them see what it is that made us like the ones we want to marry or they should try winning us over by making us see what they saw in the potential partner that we would like..we should be given a choice.. it is our lives. after all..right?

I agree sister, but you have got to consider that marriage is an ever changing process. Some parents allow you to choose who ever you want others force. We have go to remember that life isn't here for us to live in a way that most things has to be right or perfect. This world will be hell for the Muslims and Heaven for the non-Muslims.

Most importantly life is a test, so what if you are forced into marriage... look at it this way Allah is testing you. What you need to do if you're in this situation is keep faith in Allah because all good and bad come from Allah. When were going through good times we should remember Allah always and thank Him. When were going through bad times we should ask for forgiveness always and be patient.

Sister you're right its our choice, its our choice to reject who ever our parents force us to marry but think of it this way. 'Are you up for the test?'

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Posted 03 September 2007 - 10:46 PM (#8) User is offline   HaniyaAli 

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What if your parent cries near you n say to accept the proposal..yet u dunt want to..but den u say yes..only for ur parents sake...YEt u r having a NO
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Posted 05 September 2007 - 03:21 PM (#9) User is offline   F17RH4N 

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You need to think to your self, a decision needs to be made. If your parent(s) don't mind you choosing who you want then they must want to chose for you. This is called an Arranged marriage and when one is going through it it seems strange and not always nice.

You have little control over an arranged marriage, therefore you feel pushed to a corner. This feeling is natural, but to consider those Muslims Brothers or Sisters who may be experiencing this they should remember we were all born of two pairs. One pair male and the other pair female, we don't know who our other half is, but with patience Allah will join both pairs together (in marriage). You may want to chose yourself but there is no guarantee you will strike gold (i.e your other half) its all about patience.



In arranged marriages the person who your parent(s) chose is most likely to be your other half. However concerning forced marriages, they are Harram. Off course they are not allowed but still many of our parents do oblige to it as an answer.

When going through a forced marriage if you can try and stop it from happening in the best hallal means possible then do so. If this doesn't work then this is your test, we can't have everything we want in this world. Instead of declining the marriage proposal accept it but that's only if it is safe. You may never know that person could be your second half, not every marriage in the world with a happy ending has began with a happy starting

A Quote to remember: "Life is a test and Allah will test us in our live, He will keep testing us but He will not give us a test which is too hard for us to pass. The more tests we pass the closer we become to Him"

I am no scholar but I've done some research and many of my friends are going through this. Marriage is something that has been changed because of how the western media shows it on T.V. We may imagine our future to be joyful and great but as Muslims we should remember the below quote.

"The Earth will be like Heaven for the non-Muslims but Hell for the Muslims"
This is not our world, our world is the here after and its eternal.

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 07:44 PM (#10) User is offline   nassorti 

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assalam aleykum..well..let me begin by sayin..that i think our parents are the most important guides in our life..but..okay..as u said that ..we shud luk at their forcin as a test..but my fellow muslim..dont u no..that unles the consent..is from the heart..allah s.w.a doesnt recognise tthe nikaah..becuz..u went n said yes..but out of force..
and again..how can u live with sum1..wen u feel at most disgust..do u no..that a wife of a swahaba approached the prophet..am not sure abt his name but wen i find out i shal post it..n told the prophet..weneva she was in his presence she jus felt lyk turning her face in disgust..sumthin lyk that..n that she was afraid of commitin kufr..the prophet askd her..if she cudn bear being with him she said yes..he said..giv him bk his mahr..n buy ur talaaq..my point being..if the prophet aknowledged that people who were evn married who cudn stand each other shud b allowed to hav a choice leavin each other..y as a muslim go through sumthing wich u no..wil jus make u un happy..??
no offence..am jus wonderin..
nas..
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Posted 13 October 2007 - 02:55 AM (#11) User is offline   F17RH4N 

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Originally posted by: nasra nandha

assalam aleykum..well..let me begin by sayin..that i think our parents are the most important guides in our life..but..okay..as u said that ..we shud luk at their forcin as a test..but my fellow muslim..dont u no..that unles the consent..is from the heart..allah s.w.a doesnt recognise tthe nikaah..becuz..u went n said yes..but out of force..
and again..how can u live with sum1..wen u feel at most disgust..do u no..that a wife of a swahaba approached the prophet..am not sure abt his name but wen i find out i shal post it..n told the prophet..weneva she was in his presence she jus felt lyk turning her face in disgust..sumthin lyk that..n that she was afraid of commitin kufr..the prophet askd her..if she cudn bear being with him she said yes..he said..giv him bk his mahr..n buy ur talaaq..my point being..if the prophet aknowledged that people who were evn married who cudn stand each other shud b allowed to hav a choice leavin each other..y as a muslim go through sumthing wich u no..wil jus make u un happy..??
no offence..am jus wonderin..



Jazakhallah khiare sister for brining up this point, it seems in my posts I have not mentioned all aspects of this topic.

There is another Narration where a woman approached the Prophet and said she did not approve on being married to her 'husband', this marriage was basically without her consent and so the Prophet tolled her to divorce and get married to whom she wills.

You have addressed many issues in your post:
dont u no..that unles the consent..is from the heart..allah s.w.a doesnt recognise tthe nikaah..becuz..u went n said yes..but out of force..

Yes I do agree, let me rephrase my answer to my earlier posts, Only accept if you know once married you will stick to the Quran and Sunnah. Meaning that the person who you are forced to marry will follow the Quran and Sunnah to the best of their understanding (as long as it is the Sufi method) as well as yourself being sure that you will also keep to the Quran and Hadith thus not e.g. committing kufr. there we have it this can be a successful forced marriage. (amazing isnt it lol)

the prophet aknowledged that people who were evn married who cudn stand each other shud b allowed to hav a choice leavin each other..y as a muslim go through sumthing wich u no..wil jus make u un happy..??

Every person on this planet is unique meaning we are all different. Situations in our lives will also be different. Some people will have a good childhood, others maybe spoilt by their parents/carers, some being abused, others not having a childhood at all etc. Similarly stages in our lives will be approached differently, Marriage is just one stage in our life. When we get married we would expect to have a happy wedding and a couple that stay together forever. However just like the childhood example everyone will approach this stage differently.

some may have an arranged married, others a love marriage, some a forced marriage, some brothers may have more than one wife, other couples get divorced, some after getting divorced marry again, others never marry, some stay divorced, parents may even get their children married at a young age, some people cant get married due to physical or mental reasons. Each and every single one of us on this world including those who were here before us and those who will be here after us will go through a different path to marriage.

So from this we should then consider forced marriages being one of the wrong methods being some what a path to marriage. There has always been a percentage of forced marriages in this world and there will always be this method in place. So what can we do when we are faced with this?

If you are faced with this problem, as long as u will abide by the Quran and Sunnah when being married, then go for it, this is if only you know for a fact you can not get out of this situation of being forced. If you are able to get out of this situation then keep to the teachings of the Quran and Hadith and try to talk your way out or pray your way out.

We have got to remember that this is not it, this world is one stage of our immortal life... not every one will go through the same tests in life as tests are more different than same.

Ya Allah please forgive me for my mistakes
If I have made any errors respected Brothers and Sister please do correct me
I am not a scholer neither a knowledgable brother, its just that I have been faced by many ignorant friends who are deluded by the western preception of love rather than the Islamic definition of this concept.(Found this info from Sheikh Nazims speech)

May Allah Forgive me
And Bless you
Ameen


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